Daily Article 5-1B

Sex Survey

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Parts of this survey are originally from The Marriage Bed and the book Resurrecting Sex by David Schnarch, while additional parts have been added by Ruth Buezis.

The questionnaire below can be filled out separately and shared with your spouse when you have a block of time together. You can also fill out the answers, trade sheets and spend the next few weeks surprising each other. The key is to get talking as simple things are often hard to reveal. Some questions use the code at the top of each section, some questions are fill in the blank, some leave you a place to check your choice and some give you a place to write. Remember, the more open and secure you can be with each other, the stronger your marriage and the better the sex. Why are you waiting – get going!!!

Passion
(insert L= like, WL= would like, DNL= do not like, SL= sometimes like)

  1. I ____ share my fantasies with my partner.
  2. I ____ to have sex ___ daily, ___ 2x week, ___ 3x week, ___ 1x week, ___ never stop.
  3. I ____ being ravished.
  4. I ____ sex in the ___morning, ___afternoon, ___evening best.
  5. I ____ to find my partner naked ready for sex.
  6. I need to have more sex. ___yes, ___ no
  7. I need less sex than my spouse. ___often, ___sometimes, ___ never
  8. When my spouse rubs, massages my ______ I want sex instantly.
  9. My partner’s satisfaction is just as important as mine. __always , __sometimes, __never
  10. I am turned on when my spouse tells me they love me by ___________.
  11. I have a lot of fantasies. __yes __no
  12. I feel comfortable sharing my fantasies with my spouse. ___ yes, ___no

Presence during SexQuestions from Resurrecting Sex by David Schnarch

  1. Do you feel like you are emotionally, mentally and spiritually present with your spouse during sex? ___ yes, ___no
  2. If so, how do you do that?____________________________________________________.
  3. Do you ever realize that you’ve lost contact during sex? ___ yes, ___no
  4. How have you been able to reestablish the connection with your spouse during the sexual encounter?_________________________________________________________________.

Spiritual Connection

(insert L= like, WL= would like, DNL= do not like, SL= sometimes like)

  1. I ______ my spouse to pray before sex.
  2. I ______ my spouse to pray after sex.

Foreplay

(insert L= like, WL= would like, DNL= do not like, SL= sometimes like)

  1. I ____ it really slow and erotic with lots of touching.
  2. I ____ to give my spouse massages.
  3. I ____ to shower with my spouse.
  4. I ____ to see my spouse partially clothed.
  5. I ____ my nipples pinched, massaged, squeezed.
  6. I ____ to watch my spouse masturbate.
  7. I ____ to masturbate.
  8. I ____ to mutually masturbate with my spouse.
  9. I ____ when my spouse offers him/herself to me.

Clothes
(insert L= like, WL= would like, DNL= do not like, SL= sometimes like)

  1. I ____ it when my partner tells me they are not wearing underwear.
  2. I ____ my partner to wear something I can tear off them.
  3. I ____ my partner to dress scantly.
  4. I ____ to see my spouse in a thong.
  5. I ____ exposing parts of my body to attract attention.
  6. I ____ my spouse to wear a skirt with crotch less panties/hose.

Positions
(insert L= like, WL= would like, DNL= do not like, SL= sometimes like)

  1. I ____ the missionary position.
  2. I ____ to be on the bottom.
  3. I ____ to 69.
  4. I ____ the woman on top facing away.
  5. I ____ to be on top.
  6. I ____ anal sex.
  7. I ____ it doggy style.
  8. I ____ side by side.
  9. Other(s) _______________________________________________________________.

Acts
(insert L= like, WL= would like, DNL= do not like, SL= sometimes like)

  1. I ____ to finger my spouse to orgasm.
  2. I ____ to be fingered to orgasm.
  3. I ____ giving oral sex.
  4. I ____ receiving oral sex.
  5. I ____ my spouse to perform oral sex without my asking.

Places
(insert L= like, WL= would like, DNL= do not like, SL= sometimes like)

  1. I ____ sex in the shower.
  2. I ____ sex on the dining room table.
  3. I ____ sex on the kitchen counter.
  4. I ____ sex in an office.
  5. I ____ sex in the living room.
  6. I ____ sex in cars or vans.
  7. I ____ sex outdoors.
  8. I ____ sex in the pool.
  9. I ____ sex in the hot tub.
  10. Other(s) ___________________________________________________________.

Talk
(insert L= like, WL= would like, DNL= do not like, SL= sometimes like)

  1. I ____ my spouse to make noise during sex.
  2. I ____ talking dirty to my spouse.
  3. I ____ to make my spouse yell out with passion during sex.
  4. I ____ it when my spouse uses short phrases like YES, Faster, Harder, repeatedly.
  5. I ____ it when my spouse tells me to _____ them now.
  6. I climax stronger and faster when my spouse talks dirty. ___ yes, ___ no
  7. I am turned off when my spouse talks dirty. ___ yes, ___ no
  8. I am turned on when my spouse talks dirty. ___ yes, ___ no
  9. I am turned off when my spouse uses clinical terms. ___ yes, ___ no

Turn Ons for me are __________________________________________________________.

Turn Offs for me are __________________________________________________________.

Miscellaneous
(insert L= like, WL= would like, DNL= do not like, SL= sometimes like)

  1. I ____ to skinny dip.
  2. I ____ to use a vibrator.
  3. I ____ to use lube.
  4. I ____ to eat _______ off of your naked body.
  5. I can’t stand it when the dog or cat is watching us have sex. ___ yes, ___ no
  6. My favorite thing you wear to tell me you want sex is _____________.
  7. My favorite food to play with during sex is ______________.
  8. I like sex best when we ______________________________________________________.
  9. The best time we had sex was _________________________________________________.
  10. It’s important that my spouse know _____________________________________________.