What About Vibrators?


Vibrators is a topic that raises red flags in church and yet the Bible does not specifically address them. They are another gray area, where we are called to discern with our spouse whether it is something good for our marriage bed. It boils down to the question.

“Will using a vibrator create intimacy in our marriage?”


Pray for the Battle

This week I had lunch with a friend that I met less than a year ago when she sent me this email…

Hi Ruth,
I am bursting with things that I have thought in my mind over the past week that I would want to write to you or tell you in person. I want to testify to God’s work in bringing a breakthrough and new dimension of freedom to me that started 2 weeks ago but has been experienced most amazingly the past 8 days (or should I say nights ??) after my husband of 21 years found and directed me to your blog.

We were thrilled to find out that you are local and that you have a class starting next week. I would like to sign up for that class.

I love when God plops people into my life. The next week, she was in class where we quickly became friends, and by the end of the 6 weeks we were discussing her calling to teach the Awaken-Love class.  Melanie and I have no doubt she will make an amazing teacher.


Masturbation in Marriage

Masturbation in marriage happens all the time.

One spouse is usually hiding it…

and the other spouse is either naïve and oblivious, or ticked off and hurt.

Doesn’t seem like the best scenario, does it?

As Christians bombarded by the message DON’T DO IT, or just COMPLETE SILENCE, it is easy to feel like all masturbation is bad – even in marriage.  However, for some couples, masturbation within marriage can fit into God’s design for sex. Masturbation can make the two into “One” or helping them “know” each other better. This has been one of the huge areas of growth in my marriage. In Awaken-Love classes, I find it to be a topic that can be both surprising and liberating for Christian women.


The Speck in Our Life

Last week I was painting a friend’s house and I got something in my eye. I knew exactly when it happened. It hurt as the speck landed and my body immediately reacted with blinking and watering eyes. But in a few minutes it felt alright. Even though I knew the speck was still there, I kept working and totally forgot about it.

The speck must have found a safe place to hide – way back in my upper eyelid – because I didn’t even think about it until the next day. I woke up and my eye felt just a little funny, so I went downstairs to work. Within a couple of hours, my eye started to bother me. I asked my daughter to look and she could see this tiny speck way back in my upper eyelid, but she could not get it out. The next couple of hours I had periods of extreme pain, followed by periods where it wasn’t so bad. My body naturally started doing what it needed to do to get rid of the speck. My eyes watered profusely and sometimes blinked uncontrollably as the tiny speck worked its way out.

By the time I finally went to the doctor, the tiny speck had moved to the edge of my lid where he easily plucked it out. It felt instant relief, but the pain still lingered. By this time, the damage had been done. My eyeball was scratched and sore. This tiny speck had caused so much pain and trouble and it was going to take time and care for my eye to completely heal.


Masturbation – What does the Bible really say?

Masturbation is probably more taboo to talk about then sex.  Most churches would like to take a black or white stance on the topic, but the Bible does not address masturbation. God calls us to live in the tension of being created sexual from the time of birth and knowing that God created sex as a way to join husband and wife together to make them into One. He does not give us clear guidance about masturbation. What may benefit one person, may lead others astray.

The one passage about masturbation that people quote from the Bible  is Genesis 38:9. According to Jewish law, in order to carry on the family line, Onan was to have sex with his dead brother’s wife. Because of Onan’s greed, whenever he had sex with her, he pulled out and spilled his seed on the ground. Onan was not masturbate. It was probably more similar to natural family planning. Now I don’t think God had anything against NFP. He was angry with Onan because of his disobedience.

The Bible does not specifically address masturbation. But plenty of biblical principles impact our decisions about masturbation.


The Heat is On – Get Nude and Create Some Fun Together

We are in the middle of the dog days of summer. The enthusiasm for warm, sunny, sweaty days has worn off and we are just laying low, until things cool off a bit. But don’t miss a chance to take advantage of conditions that don’t require clothes for warmth. Turn off the air conditioning for a while, get nude and create some memories.

Watch a movie in the nude

Cover the couch with a blanket or sheet, find a movie that both of you enjoy, and stretch out to enjoy the show. Notice what it feels like to set your body free, sneak peaks of  your spouse, and take a stroll with your fingers.


Living in the Tension

There is nothing easy about living in the tension

This place that is neither black nor white. It requires us to discern and not just follow rules. We have to talk about things, wrestle with God and we have to be ready to change when God calls us to something different. Living in the tension is hard but it also helps us understand who God is.

God is able to extend mercy and grace but He is also just and righteous.

God loves us by accepting us as we are but He also speaks truth to us about who He created us to become.

He calls us to serve but He also calls us to receive.

God tells us that it is not what we do that earns favor with Him but it is out of an abundant love for Him that we do what He calls us to.

It would be much easier if God just gave us a set of rules to follow, but He doesn’t. He is much more interested in our heart and our motivation then following the rules. He wants us to have a relationship with Him and a heart that has a pulse on who He is.


Why can’t I let him lead?

Can I let you in on a secret?


“I have a much easier time enjoying sex when I am leading”….

There, I said it. The cat is out of the bag.


“I like to decide when we are going to have sex and how we are going to have it.”


Freedom to Live

This weekend I watched the movie, “The Giver,” with my family. I could not help but relate what is portrayed in this Utopian society to what happens in our individual lives.

give bicycle

The Giver

The story takes place in a society run by a group of elders.  In order to prevent wars, crimes of passion, or even struggle, everything has been sterilized and made the same. People wear the same white outfits, ride identical bicycles and live in identical houses to prevent jealousy. Children attend the same school, and at a predetermined age, the elders determine their future role in society based on their strengths. Elders arrange marriages to ensure a sound family unit to raise children.  People work together for the good of society and food, housing, health care and jobs are provided for everyone. People are polite, there is no jealousy, no arguing, and no violence. All is peaceful.

But what looks like an ideal society – turns out to be not so ideal.


Intimacy and Sex as a Newlywed

Today’s guest post is by Sharelle Guyton who attended the women’s Awaken-Love study earlier this year. Sharelle shared thoughtful insights during the study and we are excited for you to read her thoughts about being a newlywed.

As a newlywed, I felt myself sort of fumbling through the principle of frequency. We are instructed to model intimacy with our husbands based on our intimacy with God. This includes our frequency of intimacy. But while single, the goal is to stray away from acting on your desires. When those two experiences collide, it feels a little confusing at first.

My husband and I are both finding that we are going through an adjustment period as it relates to frequency. I think the best way to think about sex as a newlywed is with an open mind and heart. Making a clean slate to rebuild and redefine sex based on the Word of God and the unique interaction of you and your husband. I pondered on what could be a practical method of improving this area of our intimacy.

Here the quick tips to heighten frequency awareness.

First, Reminding myself of the importance of frequency because it models my intimate relationship with God. For example, the days I miss my prayer and study time, I am not as clear and grounded. I also feel less connected and more distracted by the world.

Second, I track the days my husband and I are intimate. For some wives this might seem like an annoyance or anxiety provoking. For me, it is an opportunity to see the truth.

Why did I start doing this?

We couldn’t remember when we were having sex but we wanted to know how often it was happening in a month. I figured the best way to get to the bottom of this mystery was document it.

By tracking the dates on my feminine phone app calendar (Pink Pad), what I realized is that we were  having sex way more often we realized! Two to three times a week but why did it feel like it was only happening twice a month!

Here’s what I learned by tracking our intimacy.

On average, how long it takes before we start feeling disconnected from one another without sex is much shorter than we assumed. Also, tracking keeps us accountable in prioritizing sex. I am also naturally a very competitive person and that works in my favor sometimes when I look at the calendar and want to increase frequency from the previous week!

If you find yourself forgetting the last time you were intimate with your husband or not sure how often sex is happening, try tracking it and see if it surprises you.

Happy Exploring!

-Sharelle Guyton