Finding the Courage to Host Awaken Love

If you are afraid to host an Awaken Love sex class, trust me, I understand. When I had my first class, I felt terrified too. Who would I ask and how would I do it? Could I really talk about sex? What if something came up that I wasn’t equipped to handle? What if I said the wrong thing or didn’t have the answer? But as God continued to highlight the importance of figuring out sex to strengthen Christian marriages, I knew I had to do something. I finally decided that I wasn’t going to let Satan’s lies or fear keep me from making a difference. I was going to trust God.

Inviting

I will never forget the first time I decided to teach Awaken Love. I spent weeks thinking about who I should invite and how to broach the subject. Too scared to reach out to my friends in person I decided that email felt safest. I made a list of some of my most trusted, Godly friends and drafted a letter telling them a little bit of my story. God had woken me to the importance of sex and was calling me to share with others what I had learned. I remember hitting “send” and wondering, “what will they think of me now?”

I really wasn’t sure how my friends would react. But using email gave them a comfortable “out” and helped me avoid the face to face questions or personal rejection. Those not interested simply never responded. The ones open to the idea quickly replied. After all, how often do you hear about a Christian sex class?

After all these years, I still feel nervous inviting others to a class. My primary way to spread the word about classes is using email. But every once in a while, God calls me to press in and talk to someone in person. Usually it feels so clear that I almost feel like I am transmitting a message from God. “I think you are supposed to take my class”, I will gently pronounce. More often then not, they agree.

Some women have no problem inviting friends to a sex class, and some of us just need to use subtler way. Either way, trust God to bring the women ready to dive in. Don’t pressure friends that don’t feel ready. You never know what they are dealing with in their marriage.

Having the Answers

Those first classes I often worried, what if I don’t know the answer? The truth is that I will never have all the answers and neither will you. Sometimes there is no simple answer, or maybe no answer at all.

More important than providing the answers we must provide a sympathetic place for women to be heard, loved and pointed to the simple truths about God. He is good, He is faithful, He cares and He can provide healing and restoration. We won’t have to all the answers, we just need to keep pointing women back to God’s truth.

At times the fear that what I said might make matters worse felt terrorizing. Carrying the burden for someone else’s change or transformation felt suffocating, until I landed at the foot of the cross. God is in control, not me. If someone makes positive growth than the glory goes to God. If I say the wrong thing, then God can use even my weaknesses and work good from it. Teaching classes will require you to let go of what you cannot control and instead trust Him.

Handling Situations

Handling emotional situations has never been my strength. In fact, I remember purposely avoiding people because I did not feel comfortable hearing about their struggles. So you can imagine that when I started teaching, I worried about the situations I might need to handle in classes – a woman still raw from sexual abuse, a wife that just discovered her husband’s porn, feelings of regret over promiscuity. But God provided. Every time I felt lacking, another woman stepped up. And even though I now feel confident in handling most situations, I still look for women to step up. Because class is not about me. It is about women ministering to women. God will be faithful to provide what you  need during class.

If you have considered hosting an Awaken Love class and you’ve been talking yourself out of it, I would ask you these questions….

  1. Is God calling you to bring wholeness and health to women’s sexuality, or to start talking about sex in the church?
  2. Do you know God and His truths?
  3. Can you create a safe place for women to be honest?
  4. Do you trust God to provide – even for a sex class?

Well, what are you waiting for…

Awaken Love Men’s Edition Coming Soon

After years of waiting, on December 5-7, Jim and I will record videos classes for Men’s Edition. We are excited, nervous and full of anticipation as we create much needed resources for Christian husbands to create an amazing sex life in their marriage. Filled with God’s truth,  detailed respectful information and practical application we hope to have the videos released by March 1st.  Already revamped, the Awaken Love website has information about classes For Wives, Engaged Couples and Men’s Edition.

I have had a passion for helping husbands for years. Though many resources exist to help husband’s in the battle for purity, few exist to help husbands create an intimate sex life with their wife. While it might seem strange for a woman to teach men, I bring a unique perspective. After having taught hundreds of women, I am uniquely qualified to help husbands understand their wives.

Through the class Jim and I will:

  1. Help husbands understand the difference between just having sex and intimately connecting during sex.
  2. Help husbands become a great lover to their wife, by understanding the battles in her head, how her body works and how to woo her with words and actions.
  3. Teach men that learning to intimately connect with their wife will help them understand what an intimate relationship with Christ looks like.
  4. Equip men to talk to their wife, their kids and other men about sex, so that they might know God’s truth.

Lack of Information

With few messages besides “Don’t do it” from families or church, men get married and assume things will magically fall into place. But many times they don’t. Without the ability to communicate about sex, men feel stuck and alone. For some men, pornography adds to the struggle by creating unrealistic expectations and performance pressure. Even when couples figure out how to make sex enjoyable for both, a wives constantly changing body and complicated mind can leave a husband feeling confused and timid.

How it Works

The 6 week class is designed for a group of men to take parallel to their wives Awaken-Love class. It can also be taken as a follow up or on their own. Regardless of whether a wife takes Awaken Love, Men’s Edition will help husbands understand God’s design and equip them to understand their wife.

Some of the topics covered in class are…

  • How to create intimacy through sex
  • God’s design for sex and how it plays out in marriage
  • Understanding and helping your wife battle the lies she believes about sex
  • Recognizing the lies men believe about sex
  • Discerning what to enjoy in your marriage bed.
  • How her body works
  • Men’s bodies
  • Navigating frequency
  • Wooing your wife

Please Pray

I am praying that the Men’s Edition of Awaken Love will be an amazing resource for husbands to find detailed, respectful information that is packed with practical advice. Will you please pray for Jim and me? Please pray for:

  • God’s Inspiration to bring the class to life from men
  • Unity as we work together
  • Freedom from nerves to energize His truth
  • That we let go of our own agenda and have flexibility to let God work

Engaged Couples Video Class Available Today!

Do you want to help engaged couples start on the right foot when it comes to sex?

Are you getting married soon and wonder about sex in marriage?

Do you have a hard time addressing sex in pre-marital counseling?

Talking about sex can feel scary and awkward, but couples learning to communicate about sex can help prevent patterns that take years to reverse.

Check out our new video class designed just for Engaged Couples.

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What’s Cookin’ at Awaken-Love

I feel like I have a dozen pans in the oven, and I am not quite sure how to keep track of them. The last few months have been super busy for Awaken-Love and I don’t see things settling down anytime soon.  I have meetings with churches, a book to publish, administrative tasks for classes, development of the men’s curriculum  for videos, dreams of making a video for pre-marital counseling, another book running around in my head, missionaries developing online communities for skype video classes, a list of articles to write, and a dream of someday selling Awaken-Love t-shirts. My list seems to constantly grow and I find myself struggling to focus.

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Beth – The Latest Addition to Awaken-Love Teachers

Meet Beth, the most recent addition to the Awaken-Love teaching team. Beth will teach in Plymouth Minnesota at her church Wayzata Free.

I first heard Beth’s name several years ago when a student in class mentioned that her counselor had suggested she take an Awaken-Love class. Unbeknownst to me Beth was a huge fan of Awaken-Love and already spreading the word to women that needed help.

About a year later I got an email from Beth saying that she had been following my blog and so appreciated my stance on sexuality in marriage. Her words were kind, affirming and quite honestly, humbling. Here was this pastoral counselor thinking that I had something of value to say about marriage and sex.

A Lifeline

About a year later, Beth signed up for a class at just right the time. That winter I struggled with depression like I never had before and Beth became part of my lifeline. She tenderly created a safe place to grieve the loss of a ministry partner. Our times were steeped in prayer and asking God for answers.

In order to better understand my strengths and weaknesses Beth suggested I take some personality assessments. When she viewed the results, she immediately understood how hard ministry has been. Everything that I do –  teaching, speaking, writing, and stepping into emotional situations – does not come naturally for me. God called me to a ministry that requires dependence on Him instead of relying on my own abilities.

Beth also helped me to, shall we say, “Get my house in order.” I had started letting my emotions rule my life. The Holy Spirit needed to guide my spirit, my spirit to guide my emotions, and my emotions to guide my body. God gave me emotions to help me understand life, but they aren’t always an accurate guide, unless they are under the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Beth was such a gift from God during that very hard time in my life.

Beth will make an amazing Awaken-Love teacher.

She has a powerful story of God’s redemption in her own marriage that has encouraged countless couples. Her sweet, gentle spirit constantly asks for wisdom and answers from the Father. Beth understands the importance of staying connected with her husband and continues to strive towards more freedom in her own marriage bed. But most importantly, I have met few women with as intimate a relationship with Jesus as Beth.

I am excited to watch God work through Beth as she joins the team of Awaken-Love teachers bringing God’s truth to women about sex.

How Do You Invite Someone to a Sex Class?

I remember the very first time I invited women to an Awaken-Love sex class. I was scared to death! Who would I invite? What would my friends think if I brought up the topic of sex? What if no one responded or better yet my friends stopped talking to me?

Many of you may have had the same thoughts as you considered hosting an Awaken-Love video class.

But you’ve read enough on the blogs to realize just how desperately wives need resources to encourage them in their sex life. You want to help. You want to do something, but you don’t even know where to start.

One Woman at a Time

Awaken-Love started as a grass roots effort. Out of obedience, I invited 8 close friends into my home because I heard God’s call to teach about sex.  And I believe Awaken-Love will continue to be a grass roots effort. As women experience transformation through Awaken-Love, they will catch the vision and feel compelled to share with friends.

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Why I Facilitated an Awaken-Love Video Class

Beth contacted me last Spring and I’ve asked her to share why she decided to facilitate Awaken-Love Video classes at her church in Ohio. 

I am not sure how I stumbled across the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association website.  What I do remember is what followed: an intense exploration of the marriage blogs listed in their directory.  Considering I had never read a blog before, I was fascinated.

Finding Awaken-Love

Several of the blogs really resonated with me and Awaken-Love was one of them. Thru the posts on the site, I was beginning to get a view of the marriage relationship in a whole new light. My husband and I had met young and between dating and marriage, we have been together over 37 years. You could say we knew each other pretty well . And yet…these articles seemed to hint at an area, a depth of intimacy that we might not have experienced.  As the saying goes, “You don’t know… what you don’t know.” The Awaken-Love site left me wondering what we didn’t know.

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Taking an Awaken Love Class on Your Own

You can take an Awaken Love Video class on your own even though it is set up for groups of women. Sometimes women just aren’t ready or willing to take the class with other women. Though the experience will be different, it can still provide the benefit of reading great books, listening to the videos and wrestling with  what you believe about sex.

In order to help you understand the pro and cons, I am sharing  feedback from one of the women who took the Awaken Love Video Class on her own.

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Moving Forward for Awaken-Love

This summer I asked 3 couples to join Jim and me and form a leadership team for Awaken-Love. I asked couples because

The mission of the Awaken-Love ministry is to encourage men and women to claim God’s design for intimacy and equip them to share that truth with others.

I believe that just like Christian women, men need good resources about sex. The church must go beyond helping men stay pure and provide resources to help them create a great sex life with their wife. Jim and I have been teaching Awaken-Love Men’s Edition but we are praying about how to make the class available to others in the future.

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Meet Jenna – a new Awaken-Love teacher in Ramsey MN

This week I got to do one of my favorite things,  add a new name to the list of Awaken-Love teachers.

Jenna will teach classes in Ramsey Minnesota and  has already scheduled her first class.

  • Thursday’s 6:30-8:30pm, July 20, 27 & August 10, 17, 24 & 31
  • Pathway Community Church in Ramsey, MN

Jenna has a heart for sexual wholeness

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