Understand God’s Intention About Sex

I have met all kinds women in Awaken-Love classes. Many have healthy marriages, but just as many have real struggles.  Some women hate sex or have a husband dealing with porn. Every once in a while, a woman in the midst of real crisis attends. An affair or porn has devastated her marriage, and she and her husband are trying to rebuild. Though the road is not easy, they inherently understand that embracing God’s gift of sex is part of the answer to create the intimate marriage they desire. Regardless of where women are, what they’ve been told, or what they’ve experienced – even if they are separated and their marriage might not survive – they need to understand God’s intention for sex.

Learning God’s Intention

Many women walk in on the first day of an Awaken Love class as strangers, secretly carrying wounds, disillusionment, and confusion. Stifled by the silence surrounding the topic of sex from their family and church, they courageously jump at the opportunity to find answers. Over the course of six weeks, as they learn what God wants for them, their views, mindsets, and attitudes on sex are turned upside down.  Women wrestle to cross the chasm separating them from where they are—feeling dirty, disappointed, duty-bound, drained, or disinterested—to the place where they can begin to believe that sex is an awesome gift from God to women, as well as men.

Armed with God’s truth about sex, women understand what direction to move or even what boundaries to set as they navigate brokenness. As I share about God’s intention for sex, sometime the tears stream down a woman’s face because she has never experienced anything remotely close to intimacy during sex. Sitting through class is hard, but she begins to see God’s vision for her, and it gives her hope. God is a good God. He intended for marriages to experience extravagant, intimate connection during sex.

Uncovering the Lies

During class, we talk about the reasons we feel the way we do about sex. We recognize that our negative ideas and attitude come from somewhere, and we go searching for those sources. We talk about the messages we received about sex from our families, churches, schools, friends and culture. Every lie, or wrong message the world has told us about sex gets dug up.

Slowly, the pieces of the puzzle begin to fall into place. We begin to see how we got to this lonely place. Women listen to each other’s stories of shame or regret and somehow, we find that we don’t feel so alone. We create a judgement-free zone to gently help each other move toward God’s design for our sex life. Through community, prayer, and God’s grace, women begin walking toward freedom. It is an amazing thing to watch.

I have grieved alongside wives as they shared their husband’s struggle with porn. I have felt the shame men and women carry from porn, erotica, or masturbation. People that grew up in the purity culture struggle to believe that God wants them to enjoy freedom and passion in their marriage bed.  Living in a broken world feels hard and complicated Yet uncovering the lies and dealing with our baggage is an opportunity for growth and for change. It invites us to understand the healing of our heavenly Father and see Him work miracles. As we bring God into our conversations about sex, we find freedom.

Final Thoughts

We need to understand the battle. The battle is not won by white-knuckling or denying our sexuality. The battle is won by creating what God wanted for us—intimacy – to be known. Rather than hanging onto isolation and shame, we must courageously share our story and create opportunities for others to share theirs. In Awaken Love classes, regardless of your past, or your present, you stories will be received with compassion and grace.  Just like Jesus did, we speak truth in love, extend grace, and offer hope and healing.

We all have had different experiences, and our own unique journeys.  Even if your marriage is a mess, God wants you to know what real intimacy looks like.  Regardless of the health of your marriage,  I pray that God has something for you as you learn about His intention for sex.

Finding the Courage to Host Awaken Love

If you are afraid to host an Awaken Love sex class, trust me, I understand. When I had my first class, I felt terrified too. Who would I ask and how would I do it? Could I really talk about sex? What if something came up that I wasn’t equipped to handle? What if I said the wrong thing or didn’t have the answer? But as God continued to highlight the importance of figuring out sex to strengthen Christian marriages, I knew I had to do something. I finally decided that I wasn’t going to let Satan’s lies or fear keep me from making a difference. I was going to trust God.

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Awaken Love Men’s Edition Coming Soon

After years of waiting, on December 5-7, Jim and I will record videos classes for Men’s Edition. We are excited, nervous and full of anticipation as we create much needed resources for Christian husbands to create an amazing sex life in their marriage. Filled with God’s truth,  detailed respectful information and practical application we hope to have the videos released by March 1st.  Already revamped, the Awaken Love website has information about classes For Wives, Engaged Couples and Men’s Edition.

I have had a passion for helping husbands for years. Though many resources exist to help husband’s in the battle for purity, few exist to help husbands create an intimate sex life with their wife. While it might seem strange for a woman to teach men, I bring a unique perspective. After having taught hundreds of women, I am uniquely qualified to help husbands understand their wives.

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Engaged Couples Video Class Available Today!

Do you want to help engaged couples start on the right foot when it comes to sex?

Are you getting married soon and wonder about sex in marriage?

Do you have a hard time addressing sex in pre-marital counseling?

Talking about sex can feel scary and awkward, but couples learning to communicate about sex can help prevent patterns that take years to reverse.

Check out our new video class designed just for Engaged Couples.

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What’s Cookin’ at Awaken-Love

I feel like I have a dozen pans in the oven, and I am not quite sure how to keep track of them. The last few months have been super busy for Awaken-Love and I don’t see things settling down anytime soon.  I have meetings with churches, a book to publish, administrative tasks for classes, development of the men’s curriculum  for videos, dreams of making a video for pre-marital counseling, another book running around in my head, missionaries developing online communities for skype video classes, a list of articles to write, and a dream of someday selling Awaken-Love t-shirts. My list seems to constantly grow and I find myself struggling to focus.

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Beth – The Latest Addition to Awaken-Love Teachers

Meet Beth, the most recent addition to the Awaken-Love teaching team. Beth will teach in Plymouth Minnesota at her church Wayzata Free.

I first heard Beth’s name several years ago when a student in class mentioned that her counselor had suggested she take an Awaken-Love class. Unbeknownst to me Beth was a huge fan of Awaken-Love and already spreading the word to women that needed help.

About a year later I got an email from Beth saying that she had been following my blog and so appreciated my stance on sexuality in marriage. Her words were kind, affirming and quite honestly, humbling. Here was this pastoral counselor thinking that I had something of value to say about marriage and sex.

A Lifeline

About a year later, Beth signed up for a class at just right the time. That winter I struggled with depression like I never had before and Beth became part of my lifeline. She tenderly created a safe place to grieve the loss of a ministry partner. Our times were steeped in prayer and asking God for answers.

In order to better understand my strengths and weaknesses Beth suggested I take some personality assessments. When she viewed the results, she immediately understood how hard ministry has been. Everything that I do –  teaching, speaking, writing, and stepping into emotional situations – does not come naturally for me. God called me to a ministry that requires dependence on Him instead of relying on my own abilities.

Beth also helped me to, shall we say, “Get my house in order.” I had started letting my emotions rule my life. The Holy Spirit needed to guide my spirit, my spirit to guide my emotions, and my emotions to guide my body. God gave me emotions to help me understand life, but they aren’t always an accurate guide, unless they are under the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Beth was such a gift from God during that very hard time in my life.

Beth will make an amazing Awaken-Love teacher.

She has a powerful story of God’s redemption in her own marriage that has encouraged countless couples. Her sweet, gentle spirit constantly asks for wisdom and answers from the Father. Beth understands the importance of staying connected with her husband and continues to strive towards more freedom in her own marriage bed. But most importantly, I have met few women with as intimate a relationship with Jesus as Beth.

I am excited to watch God work through Beth as she joins the team of Awaken-Love teachers bringing God’s truth to women about sex.

How Do You Invite Someone to a Sex Class?

I remember the very first time I invited women to an Awaken-Love sex class. I was scared to death! Who would I invite? What would my friends think if I brought up the topic of sex? What if no one responded or better yet my friends stopped talking to me?

Many of you may have had the same thoughts as you considered hosting an Awaken-Love video class.

But you’ve read enough on the blogs to realize just how desperately wives need resources to encourage them in their sex life. You want to help. You want to do something, but you don’t even know where to start.

One Woman at a Time

Awaken-Love started as a grass roots effort. Out of obedience, I invited 8 close friends into my home because I heard God’s call to teach about sex.  And I believe Awaken-Love will continue to be a grass roots effort. As women experience transformation through Awaken-Love, they will catch the vision and feel compelled to share with friends.

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Why I Facilitated an Awaken-Love Video Class

Beth contacted me last Spring and I’ve asked her to share why she decided to facilitate Awaken-Love Video classes at her church in Ohio. 

I am not sure how I stumbled across the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association website.  What I do remember is what followed: an intense exploration of the marriage blogs listed in their directory.  Considering I had never read a blog before, I was fascinated.

Finding Awaken-Love

Several of the blogs really resonated with me and Awaken-Love was one of them. Thru the posts on the site, I was beginning to get a view of the marriage relationship in a whole new light. My husband and I had met young and between dating and marriage, we have been together over 37 years. You could say we knew each other pretty well . And yet…these articles seemed to hint at an area, a depth of intimacy that we might not have experienced.  As the saying goes, “You don’t know… what you don’t know.” The Awaken-Love site left me wondering what we didn’t know.

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Taking an Awaken Love Class on Your Own

You can take an Awaken Love Video class on your own even though it is set up for groups of women. Sometimes women just aren’t ready or willing to take the class with other women. Though the experience will be different, it can still provide the benefit of reading great books, listening to the videos and wrestling with  what you believe about sex.

In order to help you understand the pro and cons, I am sharing  feedback from one of the women who took the Awaken Love Video Class on her own.

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Moving Forward for Awaken-Love

This summer I asked 3 couples to join Jim and me and form a leadership team for Awaken-Love. I asked couples because

The mission of the Awaken-Love ministry is to encourage men and women to claim God’s design for intimacy and equip them to share that truth with others.

I believe that just like Christian women, men need good resources about sex. The church must go beyond helping men stay pure and provide resources to help them create a great sex life with their wife. Jim and I have been teaching Awaken-Love Men’s Edition but we are praying about how to make the class available to others in the future.

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