5 Ideas for Couples Struggling to Connect After a New Baby

Recently I received an email from a woman that had taken an Awaken Love class. Though she has embraced God’s design for sex, the arrival of another baby has left her struggling to connect with her husband.

I just had a baby about two months ago. During pregnancy and now with an infant and toddler our intimate life has been a struggle. I’m really having a hard time getting in the mood. I have a baby nursing all day long and still have some residual healing that needs to take place post birth. My husband is getting sexually frustrated and I’m sort of at a loss. It feels like I serve the kids all day long and then don’t have it in me to serve him by being there sexually. I feel like my body is just a milk machine. Do you have any advice? Is it okay to be less intimate during this life phase? I just mentally struggle with feeling like I’m ‘faking it’ with him because I do not feel sexual or turned on, no matter how hard I try 🙁 Any advice would be wonderful!

Seasons of life filled with exhaustion present extra challenges. But I am so glad this young mom asked for advice. Instead of letting the lack of sex drive a wedge in her marriage, working together they can embrace the opportunity to redefine intimacy. No easy answers exist for the exhaustion that babies, nursing and raising kids create. So let me just offer a few ideas for couples to ponder and maybe try….

Remove the Pressure

Take the pressure off and try to just connect physically. Tell your husband how hard the thought of sex is, but you know that connecting physically is important. Ask him if once you get the kids down, to crank up the heat, and just get in bed with you with no expectations or pressure. Wives need to relax and warm up to their husband’s touch again. Their husband needs to be touched too, regardless of whether you have sex. I would suggest that you do this at least weekly or a couple of times a week.

Give Your Body Time to Heal

If intercourse is still painful and your body needs time to heal, then take the time and do not force things. The two of you can share manual or oral stimulation together until intercourse can be a positive experience for both of you.

Take Care of Yourself

You need to take care of yourself and your husband needs to help. Even if you are nursing, he can care for the baby and toddler at least for an hour or two. Get out of the house, or take a bath and just relax. The more that your husband cares for the kids by himself, the more he will understand why you are so tired. The more he takes care of you, the more capacity you have to engage with him.

Avoid Lust

Your husband must carefully guard his eyes from lust – especially when you are unavailable. Lust can happen with his eyes, his thoughts, or even through the lyrics of songs. Avoiding lust will help him see you as a person and not just as the sexy wife that he loves to have sex with.

Ways to Release Tension

You could have a conversation about him taking things into his own hands once in a while. Be careful and discerning about whether this is a good idea. But better to talk about it then to just ignore it.

When we had 4 little girls, my husband did not even want me to feel guilty about being unavailable. Once in a while in the shower, he would think about me, and release some tension, so that he could be a gentler, kinder husband. Other men will masturbate next to their wife so that she can share in the experience if she wants to.

Better to be open with your husband, then to ignore the situation. If you decide masturbation is a helpful option, he must think only about you. Ask him to share with you every time so that nothing is hidden. Pray together and ask for discernment on whether masturbation will create intimacy in your marriage or division.

Final Thoughts

Though raising a family can create challenges in marriage, I encourage you to embrace it as an opportunity to create intimacy. Open up your definition of sex and connection. Learn how to talk to each other about hard things. Create a new realization for each other’s strengths and challenges. And learn how to love each other in a new way.

5 Ideas to Add Variety to Oral Sex for Your Husband

Women tend to think about stimulation for their husband in terms of in and out movement. A hand or mouth that encompasses the shaft, sliding up and down from the base of the penis, across the ridge to the head, and then back again. It is the typical motion that most men use to create pleasure themselves. Though highly pleasurable and efficient, I want to share some ideas to mix things up a bit, extend pleasure, and add variety to oral sex for your husband.

First a couple of details.

If your husband does not groom himself by shaving or trimming his hair, you might find suggest he start. Gagging on a long hair caught on the back of your throat is not exactly sexy. A fresh shower and attention to detail can set you loose to enjoy him more.

Second, if your husband is used to going directly from point A to point B, you might need to prepare him. Let him know that you want to experiment and try some new things. His only job is to relax, give you feedback and enjoy the ride. Assure him that you will not leave him hanging and that he can trust you. Exude care, confidence and enthusiasm for your exploration. Now onto our moves…

Swirl

After you warm him up, while encompassing him with your mouth, take your tongue and swirl it around the ridge of his penis a few times without moving in and out. He will feel the variation of texture from rougher surface of the top of your tongue, to the silky-smooth underside. Then begin long slow strokes again with your mouth but just as you begin the turn to stroke back down his penis, pause just enough to swirl around the entire ridge. Don’t be in a hurry, just set up a nice easy rhythm. Down stroke. Up stroke. Swirl. Down stroke. Upstroke, Swirl. Down stroke… Once in a while add variety by changing things up for a while, but then come back to the swirl with a little more intensity. You can finish this way or move to something different to finish.

Skipping a beat

During typical oral sex, usually you establish a steady rhythm of stimulation, often tied to the in and out of movement. Once you have him well warmed up, and you get him to this place where you want him to just sit there for a while and let it come to him, trying switching things a bit. Keep exactly the same rhythm but  instead of in out in out in , try,  in out in pause pause, out in pause pause, out in pause pause. During the pause, he should encompass him with your mouth. Hold him firmly and see if you can feel him ache for you. You can finish him this way, or when you move back to every beat, he probably won’t last long.

Testicles and hand stroke

Testicles tend to be pretty finicky, kind of like our breasts. Your husband will need to be thoroughly warmed up, and even then, not all men may like to have their testicles played with. But if he does, try gently taking them into your mouth one at a time while just holding the base of his penis. If he gets really turned on, he make ask you to stroke his penis with your hand while gently caressing his testicles with your mouth.

Banging around

Some men like to have their penis gently banged around when they are highly aroused. While holding their shaft,  you could move it back and forth to gently whack your mouth or tongue. You could stick your tongue out and bang it against his head. It’s like adding some sparkles to a cake after the frosting has been smoothly massaged to cover the cake. It makes you enjoy the creamy frosting all that much more. A nice variety from the in and out, banging him around for a bit will entice him to enjoy your coreplay moves even more.

Ring hold combo

A mouth provides this lovely warm, smooth chamber of goodness for a man’s penis, but sometimes a man needs things stepped up a notch. A great finishing move is to uses the focused pressure of a ring hold surging up and down his shaft. Warm him up with your mouth, by establishing  a good rhythm with your mouth. Play around and have some fun. When you get close, hold the base of his penis with just your index finger and thumb making a ring around his penis. Don’t move your hand yet, create anticipation. At the right time, slowly follow your mouth with your hand pulling a wave of goodness up. Release pressure to take your hand back to the base and start another cycle. Hold your mouth around the head of his penis and ripple your ring hold up.

Final Thoughts

Enjoy these five ideas to spur on your imagination as you add variety to oral sex. Pausing to swirl, skipping a beat, suckling his testicles, banging him around a bit and creating a surge with a ring hold. Anyone else have ideas to share. Keep it respectful and don’t personalize it. For example…. “Some men like…”  or just talk about the movement without telling us about your husband.

Don’t Let Sexuality Become Your God

I recently heard an interview on Sexy Marriage Radio about a woman whose story sounded similar to mine. A married engineer that spent years devaluing sex in marriage knew something needed change. While looking for answers, she discovered how much just talking to other women about sex encouraged her. This wife has since quit her job and devoted herself to helping women embrace their sexuality. Though on the surface our stories have an uncanny resemblance, our lives and mission differ drastically. God defines who I am, and what I do – not my sexuality.

Awaken

As I read her blog from the beginning, I related to many of her posts as her sexuality began to awaken. She wrote about learning to breathe until she felt it all the way “down there”. Rather than letting life pass by, she slowed down to savor small things like tasting the juiciness of a ripe strawberry. Communication opened up in her marriage, she realized lies about sex that impacted her, and she sought to understand her body. She even started a monthly meeting with 4 friends to help process how their past impacted their present and to spur each other on in growth. But what this woman did not have was God’s good boundaries to guide and protect her as she embraced her sexuality.

Sex is powerful. Tastes of freedom can feel like standing up in a convertible with our arms open wide, the wind in our hair and rejoicing at the top of our lungs. It feels so good, to finally be known, to not fear, that we go chasing after more.

In Song of Songs 5:1 God says, Eat, friends, and drink; drink your fill of love.

God doesn’t want us to hold back, but to freely enjoy our love together in marriage.

But what happen when we lose sight of God?

What happens when sexuality becomes our God?

On my journey to embrace my sexuality, I have had crossroads where I had to choose God, and trust His boundaries of one man and one woman. I have to constantly resist the urge to look where my eyes should not go, in the name of education. Rather than allow an open discussion on the blog that gradually grows more explicit and tantalizing, I have to heavily moderate comments.   When my body doesn’t cooperate like I hope it does or I feel bored, I have to resist the temptation to bend the rules to create a little more excitement. I constantly guard my sexual thoughts and if something lands outside of God’s boundaries, then I to chose to stop dwelling on it, and refocus my attention on my husband.  I must trust God, not my sexuality.

Don’t fall for chasing after the greatest orgasm by ignoring boundaries to get an adrenaline rush. Seek greater intimacy through vulnerability, honesty and spiritual connection with your spouse. Instead of proclaiming if “I feel it, then it must be okay”, seek to glorify God with your body, sexual intimacy in marriage, and everything that you do. God is God, and we are not.

The Fall

What started out as a beautiful story of this woman embracing her sexuality has resulted in her decision to have an open marriage and embrace bisexuality. It both makes me sad and it makes me pause. Because without God, that might have been me… Without God’s boundaries, she has chased after whatever feels good, fuels her mind with excitement, and provides the next adrenaline rush. She has opened herself up to anyone’s ideas about sex without a way to measure truth. God’s good gift of sex to create intimacy in marriage has been discarded and may lead to a never-ending path to pain and destruction.

Keep Guard

On your journey of sexual discovery and freedom, I urge you to constantly ask yourself, “

  • Do I trust God with my sexuality?
  • Am I bending God’s boundaries in the name of more sexual fulfillment?
  • Can I imagine God smiling over us as we connect sexually?

Filter advice or information about sex through God’s truth. Pray and involve Him in your daily decisions and choices about sex. Embrace the freedom that He wants for you. Guard His design of one man and one woman -with your eyes, what you read, your thoughts, and activities. Don’t talk about sex in a way that will tantalize others or allow them to picture your marriage bed. Value intimacy and connection more than the largest orgasm.

Worship God, not His creation of sex.

Romantic Ideas for Valentines

To be honest with you, I am not a huge fan of Valentine’s Day. Maybe it is because I watched my mom try not to feel disappointed when the greatest gesture my dad could muster was buying a card at the drug store. I know it wasn’t a huge deal to my mom. She cared more that dad was a great husband – gentle, kind, loving, a good provider and absolutely steady. She understood that he grew up on a farm where a handmade shirt was an extravagant gift for Christmas. But still… I think she would have loved it if dad had splurged and gone a little crazy one day. If he had surprised her with a special date or gift that not only expressed his love and appreciation, but that made her sparkle.

Romance

With Valentine’s Day quickly approaching, just hearing the word romance can make husbands retreat. The word romance can feel intangible, unattainable and like a recipe for disaster. Valentine’s Day can seem commercialized and forced. Romantic gestures come from a place of expectation rather than a spontaneous expression from the heart. But Valentine’s Day can also act as an impetus to give romance another try. To go for it, and hope to surprise our spouse and communicate, “You are amazing and I’d go to the moon for you!”

So while the world spends millions of dollars on chocolates, cards, and flowers, what can you do to romance your spouse?

To help you understand what creates romance check out my post to help demystify what define what creates romance. And ladies, don’t think husbands need to always carry the responsibility for romance. Your husband wants to feel special too. So what can you do to tell your spouse, “I know what makes you smile, what makes you purr, what makes your heart beat?” I thought I’d share a few ideas from class and ask you to share your own to inspire each other.

Romantic Ideas from Class

A wife fulfilled her husband’s fantasy of having sex in the car by planning a private location, secretly packing the needed supplies, and courageously going for it.

A husband secretly brought his wedding album on an overnight getaway. He and his wife spent time looking at pictures and recalling fond memories from their wedding day.

A wife surprised her husband by taking the kids to a friend’s house overnight. When he arrived home, his wife treated him to a candlelight dinner on a warm blanket wearing his favorite outfit.

One husband laid out a beautiful dress for his wife on the bed with a note that read, “Can’t wait to spend the night dancing with you in my arms. Get changed and wait for me here.” 20 minutes later he showed up wearing a suit and tie and a mixed CD of their favorite songs. They danced in their room until the clothes started coming off.

Share Ideas

Start thinking about your own romantic ideas and share them to encourage others.  It might be something that you have done in the past or that you hope to do in the future. It can be something big, or something small. As an added incentive, anyone that shares an idea by Friday will have their name entered in a drawing for a free copy of my book Awaken Love: The Truth About Sex that will Transform Your Marriage.

Don’t  forget the ebook version of Awaken Love is on sale  this week. Help spread the word and offer an amazing resource for couples to create the intimate sex life they want. 

Stepping Into Freedom

Before my awakening, I had no idea how much freedom God wanted me to experience in our marriage bed. Though we explored more than missionary position, I felt uneasy expressing myself. At times I reined myself in out of fear of going too far or losing control. Where were the guardrails? Could we enjoy what the world enjoys? What was okay and what was not? How much pleasure was too much pleasure?

There does seem to be this connection between overindulgence and sin. You can drink one glass of wine, but ten? Well, that’s a different matter. So, we hold ourselves back and only allow ourselves to enjoy sex this much or to be that free. We safeguard ourselves by disassociating with anything that has a connection to what the world does.

Is it possible that we are holding ourselves back from exactly what we need in marriage? Maybe the freedom that goes on outside of marriage is what God wants us to enjoy within marriage.  God wants to give us a glimpse of His original intention of being naked and unashamed. Have we let the world’s corruption of sex keep us from receiving an amazing gift from Him? This gift is so powerful that it will literally transform our marriages.

Steps of Change

Change did not come overnight for me. As I recognized lies that I believed, I started trusting my husband. When I understood God’s design, I measured sex by whether we were getting to know each other. Dealing with my baggage released a newness in me. Stepping into freedom was both terrifying and exhilarating.

It was not about trying to compete with the world. I wanted to claim the freedom God intended for us. I cared far more about connecting with my husband than about creating a show.

When I wanted my husband to watch me during sex, it wasn’t an attempt to create a pornographic scene for him. I simply wanted to maintain connection through eye contact. I wanted him to know who I was rather than just enjoy stimulation. This was me opening myself up to him.

When I performed a strip tease for my husband, I was not trying to compete with strip clubs. I wanted to put a stake in the ground that said, “I want to be free”—to share my naked body, to entice, and to move sensually. This was me, no one else—gangly arms, big feet, droopy breasts, and a C-section scar. Though terrified, I wanted to give my husband permission to feast his eyes on me.

Most of us don’t immediately go from years of believing and behaving like sex is a duty to embracing all that God has to offer. You might even feel overwhelmed by the divide between who you are and who God wants you to be. It’s okay, sister. I am right there with you. Change happens one small step at a time. Stepping out into the water, grounded in truth, and steadied by our heavenly Father, we tiptoe in. As we get more and more comfortable, we wade in a little deeper.

But we have to take a step.

(Excerpt from Awaken Love: The Truth About Sex that will Transform Your Marriage)


Maybe your first step is picking up a copy of Awaken Love

Discover the Freedom God Wants for You

Until Feb 14th buy the paperback for just $9.99 (normally $14.99)

Get the ebook  (normally $9.99) for

$0.99 on Feb 4-5 

$3.99 on Feb 6-7 

$6.99 on Feb 8-9 

Tell your friends and don’t wait.

Take a step towards discovering freedom!

Get in the Game – Play Offense Not Defense

Far too many of us spend our lives constantly playing defense. We react to problems as they arise, focusing our time and energy because we must. We do what we have to do to salvage a relationship, get along and just survive. We put out the fires when and where they ignite. And we assume that if an issue doesn’t surface than we’re good. But what would happen, if instead of always playing defense, we played offense in marriage.

Most of us are only one crisis away from real struggles in marriage. That’s why marriages that go through the loss of a job, or the birth of a special needs child have such high divorce rates. The challenge didn’t create the crack in the marriage, it just highlighted and widened it.

Even seemingly good sex lives can fall apart when we fail to continue growing. Without communication skills, an expanded repertoire and established trust, one bad night can create enough anxiety to cause our natural responses to short circuit.

Playing defense does not build a strong marriage nor a sex life resilient enough to handle challenges. Most of us take our marriage for granted and would rather ignore the cracks then fix them. What would happen if we repaired the cracks by working on ourselves and our marriage before we encountered challenges? Could we prepare for the inevitable curve balls that life throws us? What would it look like to play offense in marriage?

Work on Yourself

The longer I am married the more I realize that marriage is not about losing yourself, but about sharing yourself. The idea that we continually compromise and deny ourselves misses the point. How do we focus on becoming more Christlike regardless of what our spouse does? Can we love our spouse even when they don’t meet our needs? Can we help them become who God wants them to be instead of who we want them to be?

That doesn’t mean that we allow our spouse to trample over us. Just like Jesus, we must extend grace and speak truth in love. Sometimes the best thing we do for our spouse is to set boundaries and say, “This is not okay, and this is not who God created you to be.”

Don’t buy into the victim mentality of blaming your parents, your circumstance or your spouse. Play offense. What can you do regardless of anyone else?

Work on your relationship with God and stop expecting your husband or wife to make you happy. Meet with a group to gain freedom over addictions or bondage. Start seeing a Christian counselor even if your spouse won’t.  Get healthy, emotionally, physically and spiritually. If you have experience betrayal than go after healing. Nurture your soul through friendships, using your gifts or by serving others. Understand that if Christ is in you, then anything is possible.

Work on Your Marriage

Couples that have strong, healthy, resilient marriages, intentionally work on their marriage. They seek out resources like books to read, retreats or conferences to learn about each other and to encourage sharing. They schedule their priorities instead of letting the rest of life rule them. They take date night seriously, and spend time talking each day. Instead of ignoring issues, they embrace conflict as an opportunity to strengthen their marriage.

When something big happens that they can’t seem to navigate, they look for outside help from a friend, counselor or pastor. They live in community for encouragement, accountability and to pour into others. When challenges strike, they don’t hide or run for cover. They vulnerably share and seek wise counsel.

Work on Your Sex Life

My husband and I spent almost 25 years playing defense with our sex life. Besides the first few years, we didn’t read books or try to learn anything new. Communication rarely happened and honestly felt tortuous. Until we intentionally invested in our sex life things did not improve.

So many great sex resources are easily accessible today. To improve communication read a book together. Awaken Love will help you both understand the challenges that wives face, but  also help you create a sex life that will thrill both husband and wife. From Feb 1 – 14 the paperback is 30% off and reduced to just $9.99!!

Listen to a podcast like Sex Chat for Christian Wives or Sexy Marriage Radio and talk about it afterwards. Take an Awaken Love class to learn God’s Design and expand your repertoire. Subscribe to my blog, or to one of the other great blogs like Hot Holy Humorous or Uncovering Intimacy. Sign up for mentoring with Chris over at the Forgiven Wife. Don’t wait until your spouse is ready to give up before you invest in your sex life. Do it today.

Churches

Most churches play defense when it comes to marriage and sex. Pastor’s schedules fill up with counseling sessions for couples already struggling or in crisis. Yet few marriage ministries exist to educate or provide date opportunities for couples. Groups exist for those struggling with sexual sin but how many churches provide classes to help wives and husbands create an amazing sex life in their marriage.

Both personally and in church, we must stop playing defense and start playing offense in marriage.

How are you investing in your marriage?

How can you help your church invest in marriages?

Sexual Discipleship – Changing the World

Discipleship. A word not normally connected with sexuality and yet crucial to changing our world.  In her book Rethinking Sexuality, Juli Slattery challenges us that while the culture bombards us with distorted sexual messages, the church cannot and must not remain silent. She coins the term “sexual discipleship“, which on the surface feels awkward, forced and even foreign. How can sexuality and discipleship go together? What does sexual discipleship even mean and who the heck is going to do it?

Talking About Sex

The whole idea of talking about sex face to face with another Christian feels radical. While Sex in the City may have brought open conversations about sex into the secular world, it did nothing to help Christians understand how to have open, honest, helpful conversations about sex. Online Christian communities and blogs can act as a great starting point to discover the truth about sex, but they do little to help us start face to face discipleship. If you can’t talk to your husband about sex, then how will you talk to your kids, or even your friends. When was the last time you prayed with a friend about sex or intimacy in their marriage? How do you even bring up the topic of sex?

In my book Awaken Love, I conclude with a chapter titled Changing the World that begins…

“Does anyone else here feel angry!?” It wasn’t the first time I had heard it during class. When women realize how wrong they’ve been about sex, they get angry. Some feel betrayed or let down by the important people in their lives for not talking about sex. Others feel angry at the church for purity messages that set them up for failure or that always slanted sex towards the needs of men. Some realize how much baggage they’ve carried because sex outside of marriage was treated like the unpardonable sin. A few women wonder how they could have understood so little about their own bodies. Others hate how culture has shaped what they believed about their husband. Most of us have something to feel angry about involving our sexuality.

When righteous anger boils up, it moves us to action. I will never forget the fear of teaching my first classes. Regardless of how crazy or uncomfortable it felt, I knew I had to do something! Reading a book about sex may help you personally, but until you have the courage to engage in conversations face to face with others, our world does not change.

Righteous anger moves us to action to make a difference for others.  We move beyond what we’ve always known, or how our parents did things, and we do things different. We get uncomfortable and step out in obedience, trusting that God will show up. Uncomfortable growth becomes a better option than the status quo.

Sexual Discipleship in Action

I’ve seen sexual discipleship in action. Women that attend Awaken-Love tell friend after friend because they cannot keep it to themselves. They openly talk about the importance of sex in marriage with girl friends and how their mindset changed when they understood the truth. Some even have the courage to host an Awaken-Love video class.

Moms talk to their daughters about sex, determined to make things easier for them. Men that spent years silently struggling with porn, open up conversations with their young kids.  They know the importance of open conversations from a young age. Because these men and women understand the truth about sex, they fearlessly change their world. These changes ripple and will continue to impact generations to come.

This Year

My focus for 2019 is discipleship. On the blog we will spend time wrestling with what God says about discipleship and how it applies to sexuality. Guest posts will share stories about sexual discipleship in order to help you understand practical application and examples of even small things that can impact sexuality. I want to disciple others so that they can make disciples. Sexual discipleship in the church is possible and will make a profound impact that will ripple to impact generations.

It is not enough for me to help people so that they can silently enjoy a better sex life. God wants to change the trajectory of their friends, family and churches. Online communities are a great starting point, but until we can have face to face conversations about sex, our world will not change. I am asking God to radically change lives and marriages so that they can’t help but tell others the good news.

Don’t think for a second that you need to have everything figured out before God can use you to disciple other’s in the area of sexuality. In the Bible, God constantly used ordinary people. Sometimes people learn best from our testimonies and our mistakes . He has used me, and He can use you.

Awaken-Love classes are a great way to get comfortable talking about sex face to face. In this next year, I would like to equip more teachers or video facilitators for Awaken-Love. If you want to learn more about Awaken-Love classes and they are not offered in your area, I am going to offer a special online class experience using Zoom. Just email me at ruth.awakenlove@gmail.com. When we get at least 5 participants, we will find a time that works and set things up.

If you have righteous anger over the lack of good information about sex in the church, then are you ready to make a change? What are you going to do?

What’s New at Awaken Love for 2019

As we move into 2019, I cannot help but pause to thank God for what He has done at Awaken Love. Last year was a year of God’s provision and creating community.

2018

Last Spring God surprised me with funds to create more video classes. The Engaged Class launched to help couples understand God’s design for sex before marriage. Filled with practical tips, and discussion starters, opening up conversations about sex will help couples start off on the right foot

The Men’s Edition of Awaken Love was filmed in Dec and will launch in March.  Videos that parallel the women’s class, will help husbands understand their wives and move beyond just having sex to intimately connecting through sex.

My first book Awaken Love self published and already over 800 copies have sold. The book will act as a great entry point for those not ready to take a class, or as a follow up for those that want a refresher.

From the humble beginnings  with 8 close friends 7 years ago, over 1400 women and 200 men have participated in Awaken Love classes. Feedback continues to confirm the importance of community for growth and transformation.

2019

As I prayed about 2019, God gave me the word Disciple. I want to be a disciple of Christ, but I also want to be a disciple of Godly sexuality.  I don’t just want to help people discover God’s design for their sex life. I want to equip them to pass a healthy mindset about sex down to their kids or friends. As they enjoy an intimate sex life in their marriage, they can encourage others.

Along with focusing on Discipleship, I hope to…

  • Write a book about sex specifically to help men understand their wife.
  • Explore different models for Awaken Love classes – like large groups or online groups
  • Develop ways to equip and disciple women that want to teach or facilitate Awaken Love
  • Continue speaking to women, men, couples and even singles both locally and around the United States.

Final Thoughts

I love the community that is developing at Awaken Love. It is a place to come and learn. We encourage and support each other as we move towards God’s design for sex. Blogging will continue to help me process what happens in my personal life and in classes. This year I will update my Song of Songs posts, write about discipleship and sprinkle in respectful detailed posts about sex. I would also love to hear your ideas for topics.

But I also want to encourage you to go. To move beyond online discussions to minister to the people that you know face to face. Open up the topic of sex by hosting an Awaken Love video class. Invite me to come and speak at your moms group, or marriage ministry. Give a copy of my book to a friend or share about it on social media, or Amazon Reviews. Share with a friend about what you have learned or begin conversations with your kids. 

So this year, let’s move beyond ourselves. Let’s become disciples of Godly sexuality,  so that marriages all around us might be strengthened.

Sexy Ideas to Help You Survive Christmas

Grab Some Mistletoe

Or a piece of broccoli, romaine, or other greenery, and make out with your sweetheart.  Quietly sneak a moment  in the midst of the chaos and for a real kiss. To escape the family get together for a minute, slip into a bathroom, basement, bedroom,  or closet for a quick make out session.

Dress Up Your Bedroom

Turn your bedroom into your sex den. Get rid of the clutter. Remove any reminder of the kids or work. Buy a new cozy blanket, a few candles or a new mirror. Invest in a space heater or electric blanket to warm your room. Go vintage and get a lava lamp.

Twinkle Lights

Grab a few extra strands of Christmas lights and string them around your room for a different mood lighting and watch your spouse sparkle when you surprise them.

Wear Something Fun

Come to bed with a Santa Hat on and have some fun. Ask what’s on your sweethearts Christmas list with a mischievous smile. Share how they’ve been naughty or nice this year in explicit detail.

But Some Toys

Invest in some toys for your bedroom. Try the Ultimate Intimacy App or check out another game. Shop online at Covenant Spice or Married Dance and surprise your spouse or look through options together.

 

Take time during the season of Christmas to enjoy becoming One.

Have a Merry Christmas

Make time to have some fun as a couple and connect during the Holidays.

Building Community to Strengthen Your Marriage

In preparation for Christmas, my daughter wanted help making gifts in the wood shop. She wanted to make her dad a pizza paddle out of some cherry and walnut lumber. I have to be honest, I haven’t done much woodworking in the past 5 years, but it felt good and it was super fun to work with my daughter. She kept saying, “this wood feels so good” and “this is actually really relaxing.” Sometimes we need a little help getting back to the things that feed our soul. We need community.

God

It is not unlike my relationship with God. Bible studies with friends, helps me stay in the word. When Jim and I read the bible together, sometimes he gets me moving and other times I lead the charge. Removing ourselves from community, will open the door to believe  Satan’s lies. We need community to hold us accountable, encourage us, speak the truth, and spur us on.

Marriage

We also need community in marriage – authentic, honest relationships with others. People who can listen with a soft heart but who refocus us on what God wants and what we can do different. We need friends that ask when we last went on a date, or if we are praying together in our marriage. Real people that babysit even overnight, and that we can return the favor. Community will guard our marriages and help us to keep investing the time to create great marriages. We even need people that will ask how sex is going.

Sex

Online communities provide a great entry point to work on your sex life. Writing anonymously provides a safe place to dip your feet into uncomfortable topics and start gathering resources. But we also need real people in our life that we can talk to about anything. When we share hard things they love us unconditionally and pray for our journey.

If you’ve never really gone that deep, a great way to open up conversation about sex is to take an Awaken Love class with friends. In 6 weeks, you will go from friends that skirted around the issues, to authentic real friendships. Because when you can talk about sex, you can talk about anything.

Awaken Love

I had a moms group take Awaken Love together and it totally changed their relationship. They went from surface friendships to an amazing group of women that could talk about anything. Another woman took the class with a bunch of strangers which quickly became friends.  They continue to encourage, check in and care for each other. After 6 weeks of class you will have women whom you can talk to – even about sex.

We need community to help create strong marriages. Don’t buy into the lie that we should not talk about our struggles or our sex life in the church. Let’s open up real conversations and create a culture of honesty, integrity and support. Offer an Awaken Love class and open up the topic of sex today.

An Awaken Love can help you create a community to  encourage you in your marriage and your self life.