Get Outside and Have Some Fun

I love the long days of summer to get outside and enjoy God’s creation. To get out from behind my computer, phone or the tv and just enjoy nature. To move beyond the sterile smells of my house to smell the lilies awakens my soul.

Fun Ideas

Since before we had kids, Jim and I have loved to taking long walks while holding hands. We stroll down to the park or through the neighborhood and talk through our day. Sometimes we hop on our bikes and ride around the lake. Moving my body with the wind in my hair reminds me that I am alive.

Warm summer nights are a great time to enjoy a bonfire under the stars. Get into something comfortable and cozy up as you listen to the crackling of the fire. Stay up late and talk into the night.

Go watch fireworks laying on a blanket at the park. Cozy up as you watch the lights streak across the night sky.

Find an outdoor concert in the park and pack a picnic.

Take a drive and watch the sunset. Borrow a convertible and put the top down. Go by the local drive in and treat yourself to ice cream. Find a remote place to park and enjoy the view. Make out like you did before marriage.

Go to bed early and have sex while the sun is still up. Enjoy the natural lighting on your spouse’s body.

The possibilities are endless as we enjoy the long days of summer.

How do you enjoy the long days of summer?

What Wine Can Teach Us About Enjoying Sex

Women in class commonly share that wine helps them get in the mood for sex.  A little wine helps them to not only relax  and let go of the stress and worries, but it helps them feel less inhibited. These women know that the best sex happens when they let loose. But is it possible that we could learn to relax, feel sensuous, and express ourselves, even without a glass of wine to help? Maybe God wants to use sex to teach us about life.

So what does wine do to help women enjoy sex?

Wine helps women relax – to literally destress and release tension from the day. It helps us not worry about tomorrow or the “to do” list so we can focus on the present.

Wine also helps women feel less inhibited. We stop worrying about what we look like or what we sound like. Walls that we put up to protect ourselves come down and we live on the wild side. When we want something, we ask. When our body wants to move, we let it. Wine helps us to express and respond.

But more than anything else, wine becomes responsible for our actions. Many women still live in the paradox: if they really enjoy sex, they feel like a slut, and if they don’t enjoy sex, they feel like a prude. After drinking wine, they no longer have to feel responsible. When they go a little crazy and really enjoy sex, well, the wine made them do it.

The other day someone in class asked, “if I have to drink a wine in order to really enjoy sex, is that a problem?” Maybe the question is, “What does wine do that we can learn to do on our own?” Maybe God is trying to teach us something.

God created sex to teach us about intimacy with Him.

God wants us to learn to let go of our worries, and to release the stress of our day to Him. When we realize that we cannot control life, only He can, then we surrender the details to him. We need to learn to let go of worries and stress to engage in refreshment with our husband. Can you enjoy sex, even when you have a million things on your plate? Can you continually give your worries to God even during sex?

God also wants to release us from pride – from worrying about what anyone thinks about us, besides Him. Can you tear down your walls of protection and express yourself? Can you let go of your inhibitions and initiate, or ask for what you want? When your worth comes from God, then you stop caring about what your parents might think if they knew, or friends, or the church. You simply share yourself and allow yourself to be fully known – even in the marriage bed.

God Wants You to Enjoy Freedom

God wants you to experience freedom in your marriage bed, even without a glass of wine, but it takes time to learn new habits. Meditate on the truth of God’s design for sex. Read Song of Songs and pay attention to her role and how she acts. Take an Awaken-Love class and form friendships with other women that can encourage you as you embrace God’s design for sex. Take intentional steps to try something new and stretch yourself as you embrace freedom in your marriage bed. It takes time but when you truly believe that God created this amazing gift and He wants to bless your socks off, you will have a new understanding of just how extravagant God is.

What if you could have even better sex without a glass of wine? Learn to let go of worry during sex, and it will help you let go of worry in life. Stop comparing yourself or worrying about what others think when God becomes your focus. Embrace God’s gift of sex and taste the freedom He has for you. Get drunk on God’s goodness.

The Critical Moments before Her Orgasm

Most women understand how critical the moments are just before orgasm. In an instant we can go from being “right there”, to “dang it, what happened!”  When we have to, we can learn to roll with the punches and circle around to take another run at it. But when husbands understand the critical moments before orgasm, they can increase the odds their wife finishes the first round.

The easiest way for a husband to tune into the ways his wife’s body is during during manual or oral stimulation. So though the principles translate to intercourse, our discussion will be in terms of manual or oral stimulation.

Recognizing the Moment

Husbands need to recognize when their wife reaches the critical moments just before orgasm. While feeling her with either your mouth or your hands, you will notice subtle changes that indicate, her body is at the critical moment.  For some women the inner lips will flatten out and suddenly become silky smooth. Some men might notice the color of her inner labia change from pink to red, or red to dark red. The most obvious evidence is the disappearance of the clitoral head. Just before orgasm, as the clitoris becomes more engorged and more sensitive, it suddenly retracts behind the skin. This is the critical moment.

Stay Steady

Whatever you were doing when she got here, keep doing it – like clockwork. Avoid some of the common mistakes men make in making love to their wife.  When you get excited that she’s close, resist moving faster or harder, just stay steady.  Don’t panic when her clitoris disappears and think you need to go to town on her, just stick with what was working. Make sure you’re paying attention to her body so that you don’t shift gears at the worst time. When her clitoris hides stay with her. You are right there. Whatever you do, don’t lose connection to her. Maintain contact with whatever you were stimulating to get her there.

Add A Booster

While maintaining the foundation of stimulation, interject enticements to help her tumble over the top. You might gently squeeze her nipples to launch her over the top. Speaking reassuring words of, “you are so beautiful” or “just let go” might catapult her. Or maybe in the midst of your steady foundation of stimulation, you circle back to tease and tantalize other sensitive areas creating a spark or light ripple that contrasts with the deep intense connection you are holding onto.

Final Thoughts

Recognizing your wife’s critical moment is the first step in helping her finish strong. If you have no idea what I am talking about, ask your wife. At some point, she is “right there”, and unlike you, she can lose it in a moment. She can help by using a simple phrase like, “don’t stop” to communicate when she’s at the critical moment. Observe her body, her breath, her composure, and tune into her clues so that you can help her finish. Keep doing whatever you were doing to get her there – like clock work. While maintaining the connection, add a booster to take her over the edge, and watch the fireworks fly.

Four Practical Ideas to Demystify Romance

Romance. That dreaded word so many men hate. Gestures met with disregard from a wife feel like a huge letdown. Plans changed or tweaked communicate it’s never good enough. Unmet expectations that culminate in hurt feelings create paralyzing pressure. Trying to figure out romance feels like an opportunity for failure.  So why even try?

But the word romance simply means to pursue. To tell our spouse by our words or actions, “ I care about you” or “I want you.” To not take them for granted but to continue wooing them. As our relationship matures, we become more in tune to their desires and what gives them a thrill. Romance communicates how well we know our spouse.

Culture has taught us that men romance wives. Really wives also need to romance their husbands. It might look different, but I want my husband to know that I think about him. Romance communicates that I am a student of his, because I love him. That I know his likes and his dislikes. I don’t take him for granted but continue to pursue him.

Romance does not have to be complicated. Simple gestures can mean as much as huge extravagances. One woman in class shared, a simple gesture that said it all. After 30 years of marriage they were getting away for a weekend. Unbeknownst to her, her husband packed their wedding album. Part of the weekend they spent time fondly remembered their beginning.

Let me help demystify the word romance as I share 4 practical ideas about romance.

1. Study Each Other

Romance communicates that you know your spouse. My husband and I always joke that every husband should know what kind of blizzard to order for his wife. Some wives know exactly what kind of coffee their husband likes. They might pick up their favorite drink once in a while, or faithfully make sure the  pot is full in the morning. Romance is knowing the small things that matter to your spouse. Once my husband brought home a pack of Good and Plenty because he knew I was missing my fix. When we go on a really fancy date, sometimes I even like to just ask him to order for me. After 30 years of marriage it feels romantic to trust that he knows what I like.

2. Timing

Timing can make or break the impact of a romantic gesture. Yes, special days, create expectations of a gesture of love. But sometime the most romantic thing you do is treat the other just to brighten their day. When you notice that your spouse needs a little pick me up, you communicate they come before work, projects or kids. Even a simple text during the day, saying a “miss you today. Can’t wait to come home” puts a smile on our face. Picking up flowers or a small gift “just because” communicates much more than the card on valentines. Doing something nice, for no reason at all,  says, “I’m thinking about you”.

 

3. Listen and Remember

When you do plan things that your spouse mentioned months ago, it communicates that you care enough not only to hear, but to remember. Maybe you noticed when they said they wished they had a new bathrobe, or cheese slicer. Or when they went on and on about the movie they want to see, you knew exactly what to plan for your next date. One of the men in class explained, “I usually hear things, but I used to always forget. Now I take notes in my phone to help me remember and I my wife loves it.” If you need to, set up a system and write a few notes to act on in the near future. Your spouse will be thrilled as you follow through.

 

4. Make Plans

There is nothing romantic about your spouse nudging you for sex at 11pm when are ready to drop off to sleep. Planning ahead let’s our spouse know that we are not just an afterthought. Simple things like lighting a couple of candles, drawing a bath, or inviting our spouse upstairs for a nice back rub can set the mood for an amazing night. Lining up a baby sitter and choosing a restaurant or activity in advance will add a thrill to your spouse’s step as you take the lead in making plans. Making plans opens up the possibility of rejection and takes courage. Making plans communicates you are not afraid to lead.

The Receiving End

Wives tend to have this special knack for discouraging their husband in the area of romance. If you want your husband to be romantic, then you need to affirm and encourage him in the small things he does – even if only for the effort he put forth. You also need to take your turn romancing your husband. Show him how well you know him by planning something he would love. Plan a picnic in front of the fireplace. Light candles in the bedroom and let him watch. Plan a fun, active date that both of you will enjoy. Turn romance into something good instead of something dreaded.

Understanding and Handling a “No” – Sexual Rejection

Those of us bold enough to initiate sex will eventually hear the dreaded word “no” from our spouse. How we react to that “no” will either move us toward disconnection or create greater intimacy in marriage. Though hearing a “no” is never easy and can literally throw us into a tail spin, we have the power to choose how we react. We can refuse to make the “no” personal and instead lean into connection regardless of whether we have sex.

I have experienced both sides of that “no”. Years ago, I said it more than I should have. Until I experienced a “no” myself, I had no idea how well my husband had been handling hearing “no” all those years. It has caused me to think about why I did say “no” and what I actually should have communicated.

Many times, the reason women say “no” to sex has nothing to do with whether they love their husband.  In fact, their saying “no” might be an indication that they need their husband more than ever. A “no” might actually be a cry for help.

Reasons for “No”

Women might feel totally exhausted and just need sleep. We might feel insecure about our body and embarrassed to share it during sex. Our mind might be filled with worry or stress over trying to manage life. Or maybe we feel insecure about whether our husband really love us. Maybe we feel like every time our husband pursues us, all they really want is sex.

When a “no” causes a husband to retreat in rejection, start pouting or become harsh, they move towards disconnection. They communicate without words that all they really wanted was sex. Once sex is off the table, they loose interest in us.

When a husband leans into connection, even when we say “no”, they prove with their actions that they care more about their wife then an orgasm. They declare they did not just initiate because their body yearned for a release, but because they yearned for connection. Sex was not driven by selfish desire, but as another way to say, “I love you.” When they don’t turn away after a “no” but continue to pursue us in other ways they build trust.

Sometimes a woman saying “no” to sex, is really a plea for help. A cry for our partner to come along side of us and pull us up. To insist on taking care of our needs by sending us to bed early or helping with the night feeding. To affirm our beauty by looking into our eyes, touching our curves and saying, “You are so beautiful”.  When we feel stressed, a husband asking about our day will help us process and stop worrying. A back rub might ease our tension a husband’s strong arms comfort us. Our “no” means something and we need you to move toward us and not away.

A woman in class, said, “When I say ‘no’ I don’t really mean no.” She was not trying to insinuate that she wanted her husband to force himself on her. What she was saying was that she’d like to say “yes”, but she needed some help. Her husband’s pursuit, even when she didn’t want sex, would help her move towards trusting him in the future, or maybe even that night.

So much of sex comes down to communication. Interpreting the meaning of a “no” is like asking a husband your mind.

Understanding Our “no”

Ladies, we need to understand the meaning of our own “no” and communicate what we really need. Share your fears, your insecurities or your frustrations. Help your husband be your hero and give him a chance to succeed. Seek connection by honestly sharing why you can’t say “yes” right now.

Final Thoughts

Even when we don’t communicate well, we still communicate. Our “no” means something. How you handle a “no” also says something. You have the power to change the dynamics in your marriage by not taking things personally and leaning into connection in ways that feel scary and hard. Ground yourself in God and continue to pursue each other. Even during a “no”.

 

God’s Design for Equal Roles in the Marriage Bed

I write all the time about how God created sex for wives as much husbands. In Song of Songs, the beloved and the lover play equal roles in the marriage bed. Just having sex for the sake of your husband is not what God intended, and definitely not what your husband yearns for. But God’s plans for equal roles is not just about equality, I believe God has a plan for us. God wants husbands and wives to play equal roles in the marriage bed because we both have something to bring to the table. 

God’s Design for Sex

God created a powerful design to refine both husband and wife through marriage. He created man and woman—both in His image, but so very different from each other. As we work towards creating an intimate sex life, we stretch to meet each other and learn from one another. His design drives us toward connection and toward personal growth.

Many women have wrestled with why God made sex so complicated for us while it seems so easy for our husband. We start feeling broken or punished, or we feel like we are doing something wrong. Some Christian writers even suggest that if women would just surrender control to their husband, orgasm would come easily during intercourse. That is a lie and does nothing more than assign blame to avoid growth or learning. Just because a husband can have an orgasm does not mean he has everything figured out about sex.

God created sex to refine both husband and wife as they learn from each other. If sex was easy for both of us, it wouldn’t create intimacy. Vulnerably sharing our needs, praying over baggage, and asking to be shown, creates intimacy. Having hard conversations, understanding each other’s insecurities, and extending grace to each other creates intimacy. If sex was as hard for our husband as it is for wives, we would probably both just give up.

Women might feel like they got the shorter end of the stick, but imagine how a loving husband feels. His greatest desire is to give pleasure to his wife. For him, nothing else matters. Can you imagine how frustrated, and confused he might feel as he tries to figure out his very complicated wife. Sex is hard for both of us.

We Learn From Each Other

God instilled different understandings about sex in order to grow each other. Men understand the importance of becoming one, even when we are disconnected. Wives must learn to trust their husbands and trust that God will help make them into one.

Women understand that sex can’t just be about orgasm. God created sex as a way to know each other. Husbands need to let go of their plans and focus on what they can discover about their wives.

God created men with eyes to enjoy their wives to create arousal and to affirm her beauty. Wives need to lovingly stretch in using their bodies to tantalize their husbands. Stepping into freedom to embrace our bodies takes courage and the belief that our husbands’ eyes are God’s good creation.

God created women with a huge imagination and an understanding of the power of words to create arousal. Husbands must create a safe place for their wives to express themselves. They should attempt to match their wives’ creative energy. They must constantly seek to learn new things about their wives and anticipate what they would find exciting. Husbands, too, must stretch, in learning to use words to create excitement and arousal during sex.

Even though the mechanics of sex and orgasm come easily to our husbands, intimate connection may not. To get beyond movement and create arousal through connection can feel foreign and even scary to a husband. Looking into each other’s eyes, feeling each other’s bodies through stillness and speaking words of excitement challenge a husband to stretch in order to meet his wife’s needs. Along the way, he discovers a connection sweeter than anything he ever imagined.

Final Thoughts

God designed sex to grow both of you. It is hard work.  Don’t think that because orgasm comes easily, you have things figured out. Don’t think you are broken because orgasms don’t come easily.  He wants to use your spouse’s needs to show you something new and create intimacy between the two of you. Even more than that, God wants to create a dependence on Him as you vulnerably stretch to love your spouse.

3 Things a Husband Should Know About His Wife

With my awakening, my husband has experienced his own growth and awareness. I asked Jim, “What 3 things have you learned that helped you with our sex life?” I found his answers simple and yet profound. Not only that, but I can clearly see how his understanding and subsequent changes have directly impacted me and my growth. So, I have adapted his insights to speak into your sex life – 3 Lessons Learned to Love Your Wife

1. Your Wife is Insecure

I am a confident, capable woman that completed engineering school, taught herself to snowboard, and could handle any house project. But I still struggle with deep seated insecurities. For years I denied my desire to feel beautiful. When we started working on our sex life, I knew to experience freedom in my marriage bed, I had to trust my husband loved everything about me. Beyond guarding his eyes, I needed to hear that he thought I was absolutely beautiful.

Jim has learned to constantly affirm my beauty with his words. Whether I am dressed up for a date, bending over in my jeans to screw in a deck board, or playing naked in bed.  He doesn’t just say I am beautiful, he believes it and breathes it into my life. After we have great sex I feel most vulnerable. My mind starts to questioin if I revealed too much, or if my husband enjoyed what I did. When he dotes on me after sex and shares his amazement, he stops the lies and insecurities.

2. Don’t Take Things Personally

What feels great to me one night, can do nothing the next night, or can even feel painful. My body constantly changes, can become ultra-sensitive, and just darn right finicky. I don’t try to be complicated or high maintenance, but that is my reality. As I have taken ownership by saying things like, “I am sorry, my body is just tricky tonight”, Jim has learned not to take things personally.

In his resilience Jim is able to offer other suggestions rather than give up. We have learned when something doesn’t work or temporarily shuts down, it does not have to derail us. Jim can try a different path or offer another delight and I can get on board. Not taking things personally has opened up possibilities. Jim is more likely to try new things without worrying about failing. Not taking things personally has helped me to appreciate my complicated body a little more.

3. Be Vulnerable and Open Up 

When I awoke, I began craving deep intimacy with my husband. I started sharing vulnerable things from my past that helped me gain freedom. We had hard conversations about my insecurities and how Jim could help me. Many nights I cried in his arms as I got in touch with my emotions. Though I focused on myself I also wanted to know Jim. Just like most wives, I feel closest to my husband when he vulnerably shares his emotions, insecurities, or failures.

Jim has been an amazing husband and dad, but vulnerability does not come easily. I remember once asking him, “What painful childhood experiences do you remember?” And he incredulously responded, “Why would you ask me something like that?” Later he explained that talking about a painful experience was more painful than reliving it. What felt freeing to me felt oppressive to him.

But Jim has slowly taken steps in learning to vulnerably share. He has shared about past experiences that left him feeling like a failure. He has owned his past mistakes and asked forgiveness. When he struggles at work, I am the first that he tells. And though it means the world to me, even more importantly I have witnessed changes in him. I’ve seen his boldness in speaking truth to other men and ministering to marriages. He walks with more confidence. When you allow yourself to be fully known and are received with grace and love, it sets you free.

Final Thoughts

If you want to become the an amazing lover to your wife then learn to affirm her with your words. Help her battle insecurities by speaking truth. Understand not to take instruction or failed approached personally. Stand firm but gently as you navigate your wife’s complexities and you will see her begin to open up. Match your wife’s vulnerability with your own steps of growth. Share from your heart and open her heart to yours.

 

4 Reasons People Don’t Connect During Sex

I often write about the importance of connecting during sex, yet for most of us connection does not come easily or naturally. Though God intended we “know” each other through sex, many of us have no idea how to connect. We go through the motions, do what we can to make sex orgasmic and settle for a small taste of what God wants for us. The first step towards change is an awareness of what’s impacting our life that makes it hard to connect. Let me share four possible reasons why people don’t connect during sex to help you discover how to grow.

Cruise Control

If you’ve ever read a book on how to become orgasmic, many experts suggest a method called Sensate Focus developed by Masters and Johnson. Basically, while you receive pleasure, you relax, block out everything else and just focus on what your body feels. As you tune into your own pleasure, and shift into cruise control, you also tune out any distractions, including your spouse.

Though Sensate Focus might help a person learn to orgasm, it totally misses out on the power of connection. Rather than tuning out your spouse, can your awareness of them loving you, watching you or getting turned on by you add to your arousal instead of create distraction?

Men get used to shifting into cruise control when they masturbate.  Taking the most direct route they learn to chase after their own pleasure with laser focus. Instead of learning to discover, linger, or feel someone’s energy, they slide into cruise control on the road to nirvana. Slowing down enough so that your spouse can join you on that road will require growth. Every once in a while stop and ask yourself, where is my spouse? Try keeping your eyes open during sex or kissing.

Carrying the Load

You might feel responsible for making sex wonderful for your spouse. Or maybe you worry about how you look, or sound. When you spend all your time evaluating what you should do next, worrying about your performance, or concerned for your spouse’s enjoyment, you act a spectator. Instead of enjoying the moment, you anxiously watch, critique and evaluate.  Rather that feeling your spouse’s touch, your mind plans your next move, or worries about how you look.

Great sex happens when two confident people show up, have the courage to communicate what they desire and share that experience with their spouse. Adding pressure and carrying the load for someone else is a recipe for disaster and leads to spectatoring.

If you want to connect during sex, then remove pressure and expectations from yourself and learn how to “be” instead of “do”. Get out of your head and experience your spouse with your senses. When was the last time you smelled your spouse during sex? Have you noticed how their breathing changes when they relax, or when arousal ramps up?

You cannot carry the load and be present during sex. Let your self off the hook and show up.

Shifting Gears

During A-L Men’s Edition one of the men said, “I have a hard time even relating sex to intimacy. They are two separate things.  Before I was married, I bought into the world’s view of sex. My goal was to get as much sex as I could.” After treating sex simply as a physical commodity, how could he attach love and intimacy without facing his past. Until he faced the fact that he spent years using women, and discarding them for his own pleasure, he could not attach sex to intimacy.

Women that have experienced sexually abuse often disassociate during sex. How can this thing that caused them great pain also communicate love from their husband?

If we want to connect during sex, then we have to face our past. If we have been abused we have to seek healing and render how something so hurtful could be loving with our spouse. If we have used others, then we will have to face our own brokenness. Until we feel the depth of hurt we have caused we cannot experience the depth of connection during sex. We must repent and ask forgiven for what we have done. Rather than just receive God’s forgiveness, we must forgive ourselves, so that we can allow ourselves to feel during sex.

Facing our past takes courage, but God offers grace and healing and forgiveness. He wants you to experience sex as this amazing connection with your spouse. Don’t settle for less. Seek counseling and healing.

Out of Touch

Some people just seem stiff as a board, stoic, unemotional, and with clubs for hands. Raised not to cry, they are trained to keep a stiff upper lip, and work hard.  Their arms don’t know how to wrap you up in warmth, because they are too busy trying to fix you.

Though God created each one of us unique, I believe He created us in His image. God is a God that is passionate, loves dancing, and holds our tears. We can learn new things, and we can unlearn what our past taught us. We can learn to slow down and savor our meal rather than just scarf it down. We can learn to relax and spend time “smelling the roses.” We might even take a dance class to loosen up our hips. You can learn to feel.

Sometimes we know how to feel and move, but we are afraid to express ourselves. Purity messages might have limited your sensuality or freedom. The shame of promiscuity before marriage might have caused you to leave passion and freedom in the past.  Struggling to contain fantasies of what you want. you secretly stew, hoping a kind gentle spouse will wake up and rescue you from the monotony. Not matter your situation, God wants you toe enjoy freedom in your marriage bed.

God created you and gave you an amazing body to move and moan and grasp and even scream. Unlock the power of your God given sensuality. Come out of hiding and show yourself.

Final Thoughts

Sex has dramatically changed since my husband and I have shifted the focus from mechanics to connection. We linger, explore, look into each others eyes and call each other back towards connection with our words. We are less anxious, more fluid and more in touch with our senses. Not only has connecting made sex better, but it has helped us understand how to connect with God. No matter what challenge you face in connecting with your spouse, God has the answer and He has something for you to learn.

Shifting from Sex After…. to Sex Before

For most of my marriage I treated sex as something that happened AfterAfter a long day of completing my “to do” list. After the kids were asleep or company left. Making love after a great date with my husband. After the party was over or my project done. After Jim and I talked through our disagreement…. But changing my mindset to consider sex as something to indulge in before has both benefited me personally, and my marriage.

Before Our Day

Some of our most enjoyable sex happens before our day. With rested bodies and minds we can focus all of our energy on each other. Rather than immediately diving into our day, we take time to connect and love each other, and our day feels different because of it. Often by midday Jim has sent me a text wondering how I am.  Having sex in the morning connects us and smooths out our day.

Before the House is Asleep

Waiting until after the kids are asleep can seriously strain your sex life. Whether you have young kids still falling asleep, or teenagers staying up late to watch a movie, time will disappear if you wait. Learn to set boundaries on mom and dad time, use a lock on the door, and go escape together to communicate the importance of intimacy in marriage. Though I would prefer sex with the house empty or asleep, I have learned to have fun creating excitement by seeing just how quiet we can be.

Before Our Date

When my husband took me out on a nice date, by the time we got home, my body was ready for sleep. Hardly able to keep my eyes open, the idea of sex didn’t excite me at all. So I have learned to initiate sex before we go out on a date. Sex clears the drudgery of our day and opens us up to each other. When I get dressed I feel radiant and sexy. During our date, touching, teasing and looking into each other’s eyes happens naturally while conversation flows freely. Having sex before will make your date so much better.

Before a Party

I am a classic introvert. In a large crowd you will find me huddled in the corner by myself or with a close friend. The other day we hosted a group of people for dinner and before they arrived, we snuck in some loving. I have never been more relaxed or confident during a party. Through out the evening I dove into conversations, initiated mixer questions, and rallied game playing. Afterward I told my husband, “I did better tonight, didn’t I?” He grinned in agreement as we both secretly new why. Sex before a party does wonders for me.

Before our Challenges

Teaching Awaken-Love sex classes is both fulfilling and challenging. I am never quite sure what question will come up, or what difficult situation will arise. Teaching is bathed in prayer and dependence on God, but sometimes I just need to feel my husband’s support. Making love before teaching class comforts me and props me back up. It helps me remember why I do what I do and gives me the courage to stay the course. Whatever your challenge, consider connecting with your husband as a way to feel his support. Strengthen yourself with raisins, refresh yourself with apples and let God meet you in your love making.

Final Thoughts

Get creative and try having sex “Before”. Have the sitter come early so you can get dressed in peace. Shower off together and create some fun. Tell your teens you are heading to bed and go enjoy each other while they finish their movie. Start your day off right by getting up a little earlier to connect. Rather than making sex the last thing on your “to do” list, make it the first. Instead of treating sex like the cherry on the top, treat it like the appetizer that whets your taste for more connection. Don’t relegate sex to after but indulge in  it before.