Surrender to Pleasure

We’ve all talked about how we love variety, something just a little different than the same old, same old. Here’s something that you can do to create variety that is so simple and yet can create a very different vibe. On a night when my husband is taking the lead,  I love to lay back and stretch my arms up above my head, and gently clasp my hands together.

Sensitive Spots

Putting your arms up opens up all those delicious sensitive spots that don’t typically receive much touch. The curves where one body part meets another body part can be magical: insides of elbows, arms to torso, breast to chest. They are wonderful erogenous zones that deserve much more attention than they normally receive.

Tension

It also creates this wonderful tension through the stretching of our bodies. With our arms lifted up, our breath is felt in the gentle expansion of our rib cage as we breath in and out. You are suddenly aware of a whole new dimension of being alive.

Surrender

It is also a position of surrender. Surrender to our husbands touch, surrender to our bodies desires, surrender to whatever God would have us experience. It is putting into practice surrendering.

So this week,  Surrender to Pleasure. Put your arms up, and experience something new.

Originally Published as Put Your Arms Up on May 7, 2014

God Desires Freedom

God desires freedom in our marriage bed, but we must deal with the lies, baggage and body image issues that steal our joy. We have to take a hard look at ourselves and question why our ideas of sex don’t line up with God’s design. What lies have we believed? What past experiences still impact our marriage bed? How has culture or others impacted how I view myself?

Lies

The world throws constantly throws lies at us about sex. Media portrays sex outside of marriage as a whirlwind of passion that magically falls in place.  Sex in marriage either doesn’t happen or looks like drudgery. Men seem ready for sex at the drop of a hat while women fall under the heading of slut or prude.  The constant message of “don’t do it” from the church combined with silence cultivates sex as a “dirty little secret.” Lies impact what we believe and how we act. We must name the lies and identify how they have impacted us to gain freedom.

Baggage

Every woman I’ve taught has had some kind of baggage that impacted her marriage.  Promiscuity, purity messages, unwanted touches, divorced parents, spouse’s porn struggles, – small things or big things – can have profound impacts. God can heal us and He can change us. Have the courage to remember it, bring it to the light, pray over it and step into what He has for you. He wants you to be free.

Body Image

We spend way too much time on comparisons. We are supposed to get our worth from God and He says, we are fearfully and wonderfully made. Our husband’s pure eyes glued to us as we undress are supposed to thrill us not makes us feel used. Do you believe your husband when he tells you how beautiful you are or would you rather believe the world? God wants you to have the freedom to dance for your husband, and to play and let your husband explore you fully. What is holding you back?

I think that our marriage beds are supposed to be this little taste of the Garden of Eden where we stop worrying about what we sound like, or what we look like.  It is just us and our spouse – face to face – completely naked and unashamed, fully enjoying each other.

Have you dealt with your lies, baggage or body image issues?

Nothing is impossible for God.

Are You Listening to Your Body?

Do you listen to your body when you are making love? Do you hear it telling you, “oh my gosh, that feels so good”, “I want more of that”, or “touch my ______”.  Staying connected to what our body enjoys and following it where it takes us is one of the ways that sex remains fresh and new every time. But a lot of things can get in the way.

Beware of Automatic

Sometimes we just begin to do life on automatic. We fail to notice or enjoy the small pleasures that God gives us. Kissing our husbands when we greet becomes an automatic response and we aren’t even present. We are thinking about the day ahead of us and our “to do” list. But if we disengage from life, and actually feel him, and smell him and awaken our bodies to what we love, we can make a connection. It doesn’t really take any more time, it is just a different mindset.

We can also get into the rut of making love on automatic. We get our routine down to a science, and figure out what works. We miss wonderful detours that our body is taking us on. Don’t be afraid to let your husband know what your body is asking for or what it is enjoying.  It is part of revealing who you are.  Sex stays fresh because it is a constant window into our spouse and ourselves. It is God’s design that we “know” each other thru sex.It is in revealing what our bodies love that we “know” each other.

Also, beware of becoming a spectator. Our mind can get distracted if we worry about whether he’s touching us right, or whether we will have an orgasm, or whether he will last long enough, or if he’s getting tired. It is like being a photographer at a family reunion, focusing on getting the right shot, and the lighting and the background. And when it is over, we realize that we really didn’t connect at all, we totally missed the reunion. Stop watching and start feeling.

So your mission this week is to listen to what your body loves, enjoy it, follow it, share it with your husband, and see where it takes you.

Originally published as What DO You Love on March 19, 2014

God Can Transform You and Your Marriage

One of the first things I tell women taking Awaken-Love is, “What I say will not change you. The books your read will not change you. If you are looking for real transformation, you need to ask God, because He is the only one that can change you.”

God changes lives.

I know, because He has profoundly changed my life. I am nothing like the person that I used to be. He has given me the courage to feel and to intimately connect – with Him and with my husband.  I have emerged from the shadow of shame with the desire to be fully known. God has freed be from trying to create the illusion of perfection and instead trust that He can work through even my mistakes. I act different, I feel different and I look different and He just keeps changing me.

I constantly see God transform women in Awaken-Love classes.

They come carrying burdens, secrets, walls of protection and He begins slowly softening their heart. As trust builds they open up and bring hiddenness to the light. Women that are totally broken, surrender everything to God as we ask for breakthrough and return the next week to share stories of miracles. God can heal anything. He can reveal lies and bondage, He can break down walls, He can bind up the broken hearted, and He can speak his truth.  God shows up all the time.

If you want your marriage to change, then start by asking God to change you.

Quieting the Mind

We all know it’s happened to us. We’re in bed with our husband, and he is being oh so attentive. Softly stroking us, gently kissing us, when out of nowhere pops the thought, “Did I start the dishwasher?” And it opens up the floodgates of things that will run our day tomorrow. “I’ve got to remember to sign Sarah’s permission slip”, and” don’t forget to buy a gift for Anne’s party”, and on and on it goes. So many things to keep track of, and yet in this moment, I am missing out on one of the most important things I do, connecting with my husband.

So how do we quiet our mind? How do we think about nothing besides this amazing moment?

It takes faith….It takes not worrying. It takes knowing that God will provide everything that I need. When I realize that I can accomplish nothing on my own, and surrender control to God, it allows me to live in the moment rather than worrying about tomorrow.

Psalm 46:10 – Be still and know that I am God…

It takes practice… quieting my mind as I pray to God allows me to hear Him. It allows me to sense His presence and to sometimes just be with Him.  In the same way, when I quiet my mind as I connect with my husband, I will feel him, see him and know him as I have never known him before.

It takes clearing my head in advance … I am all for any practical ways that you can let your mind rest. If it takes making a quick list before going to bed, do it. If it takes talking through tomorrows schedule with your husband, go for it. But then let it rest.

It takes breathing deeply and letting go … sometimes we need to let our bodies express what we want our mind to experience. Breath in,  breath out.  Breath in, breath out. Breath in quiet and breath out stress, worry, busyness.

It takes pulling myself back with a gentle persistence… don’t get frustrated. When you feel yourself going there, just gently pull yourself back and reengage with your husband. See him, hear him, feel him.

So for your mission this week, practice having a quiet mind and be absolutely present with your husband.

Originally published as The Quiet Mind on March 12, 2014

Tapping into the Senses for Better Sex

God created our bodies with amazing capabilities to taste, see, feel, hear and smell – and yet many of us miss out. Life is so busy, so garbled up, that instead of experiencing more, we experience less. Life is a blur and our senses become numb. We just move from place to place, keeping pace and yet missing out on so much.

Sometimes it takes intentional choices to create enough time and space to truly connect with God. I need to settle in, take a few deep breaths, release my thoughts and just be for a moment. If I want to encounter God, then I need to be still and listen for His voice. When I am out hiking, I ask God, “let me feel you”, or “let me see you”, and sometimes His answers blow me away. It takes time, it takes intentionality and it takes stretching your senses.

Honestly, there is probably a lot more to experience than we even realize. I have a friend who is legally blind. She hears much better than I do, and can smell things a mile away.  The loss of sight has resulted in the strengthening of other senses. Is it possible we are missing out on life because we just settle into what comes easily?

In class, we do this crazy experiment where I hand out a piece of Dove Dark Chocolate and we practice experiencing the sense of taste. We close our eyes and sit quietly as we focus on tasting the chocolate. I instruct the women, I want you to just spend some time “getting to know” your chocolate.

As the chocolate slowly melts in our mouth, we turn it over and over with our tongue to taste and feel the silky-smooth chocolate.

Afterwards I hear things like,

“ I felt like I tasted it so much more than when I just chomp it down.”

“ I had to keep reminding myself to focus on the chocolate because my mind would wander.”

“that was the best part of my day.”

“ I really felt the texture and the silkiness”, or

“ I could hardly wait for it to be over”, Because it is so hard to sit still and relax.

So, how does of this relate to sex?

Actually, this experiment tells us a lot about ourselves and about sex. You have to use your senses to know each other during sex. Are you tasting the chocolate or are you just chomping it down? Are you getting to know each other during sex or are you just getting it done? When your mind wanders, are you gently bringing it back to focus? Are you stretching to experience more, or do you already know what happens? Can you sit still and just enjoy?

Experiencing God is not a check list or a thing to do. I cannot wave a magic wand or command it to happen. I invite, I seek, I ask, I watch and sometimes I just expectantly wait. Can I hear Him? Can I see Him? Can I even smell Him? I experience God different ways and I stretch to experience more of Him because my greatest desire is to know Him more.

Sex is not just getting from point A to B, it is the journey of getting to know each other.  You have to create time and space, release your thoughts and breath.  Are you present during sex? What do you taste? What do you hear? What do you feel? Do you need to remove a sense to learn something new? Tap into your senses to draw yourself back to being present during sex.

 

How to Give your Husband Multiple Orgasms

Men can have multiple orgasms.

WHAT???

MEN can learn to have more than one orgasm.

They can learn how to have an orgasm without an ejaculation. The orgasm will feel different without the ejaculation, but it will still feel awesome. The man will maintain his erection and then can go on to have another orgasm with an ejaculation.

I don’t know about you, but I want to be the best lover in the world for my husband.

Working to help a husband experience male multiple orgasm is a great way to learn all kinds of things about his body.

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