Culture teaches that great sex just happens naturally. So, when a woman’s body does not respond during intercourse, it is easy for her to feel broken or defective. If we can hold back the shame, in time we will realize that God created women with amazing bodies that can learn to respond sexually in countless ways. With practice, hard work and courage we can discover new things. We can’t just try the same things over and over. We must train our body to be more flexible in how and what we respond to so that our body learns to enjoy different types of love making – even intercourse.
Orgasm is a learned response to what your body finds enjoyable. If you aren’t familiar with your own body, it may take time to wake up. In the beginning you may feel nervous or self-conscious, and sexual stimulation might not feel amazing. But the more you create positive experiences, the more you anticipate good things and the faster your body responds. So be patient, push yourself to try new things, create positive experiences and build on what you learn.
Just like playing different songs on the piano takes practice, so does responding sexually. If you practiced chop sticks an hour every day for a year, you would get very good at chop sticks, but you would struggle to play any other song. To play piano well you must practice different scales, different songs, different tempos and different styles. Eventually accomplished piano players can become so proficient that they no longer depend on the music, but can freely create a full range of expressions.
Train Your Body
One of the most interesting secular books that I have read on having an orgasm during intercourse is “How to have an orgasm…as often as you want.” by Rachel Swift. After years of frustration over her lack of response during intercourse, she developed a program to train her body to become more flexible in its response. She teaches her body to respond to different simulations, in different positions, and different locations. Eventually her body becomes so flexible to what it will respond to that even the stimulation during intercourse will cause her to orgasm every time.
I don’t necessarily agree with her training program, but her experience backs up the principle that women’s bodies can learn new things. If God designed sex as a way to get to know each other, maybe we have a lot to discover together. Some of the concepts might help us experience more during sex. So, let’s look at this whole concept of training our bodies.
Just like playing the piano, you must practice and practice often. If you are only having sex once a week, then you basically start over every week – nervous, anxious and wondering how you will respond. When you have sex often (my definition of sex is broad – not just intercourse), your mind can relax and your body begin to recognize places that it has been before and enjoyed. The more your body anticipates positive experiences, the quicker it responds. If you want to make progress towards becoming more responsive, then you need to have sex often.
Expand our Flexibility
In order to expand our flexibility, we need to train our bodies to enjoy new sensations. Rather than sticking with what worked previously, change it up. If you enjoy manual stimulation a certain way, then change it up. Try a different motion or pace. Try indirect touch instead of direct touch. Have him touch you through your clothes or with the palm of his hand instead of his fingers. Use a soft object or his penis to touch your vulva. Be patient because it takes time for your body to learn new things. Stay relaxed, pay attention to what starts to become enjoyable and keep practicing until you get there. Thank God for every new sensation that you experience and enjoy the journey as God opens up new pathways to orgasm.
So much of intercourse is related to the positions that we use. To move towards having an orgasm during intercourse, practice manual or oral stimulation in different positions. Can you orgasm kneeling as if you were straddling your husband? Can you orgasm on your side, when you are spooning? Are you able to orgasm standing up? Train your body to respond to manual stimulation in these positions to increase the chances of responding during intercourse. Could we even learn to like different positions by creating positive experiences?
Could I train my body to respond quickly when I wanted to? Sometimes I think I hold off orgasm simply because I want to enjoy sex longer.What if I knew that I only had a couple of minutes before we would be interrupted? Could my body kick into gear? Could I train my body to jump into hyper-drive because we had limited time? Imagine the fun scenarios we could dream up when time was of the essence? Maybe we have more control over our orgasms than we think.
Some of us have resigned ourselves to a sex life of limited possibilities. Your body has the capacity to learn new things – even when it comes to your sexuality. If you want sex to improve then think about how you can train your body to become more flexible in its response. Imagine positive experiences to create anticipation for pleasure. Practice new things until they become easy. Train your body to respond with different stimulation, in different positions or with limited time. God’s created sex to get to know each other. When you stretch yourself and learn new things, you get to know each other in new ways. Enjoy learning new things together and you might discover that the journey is just as enjoyable as the destination.
Rewritten from original post Flexibility Training for Orgasms on 3/8/2015