Reclaiming sex like the Garden of Eden

Have you ever thought about what sex looked like in the Garden of Eden? I imagine the first time Adam saw Eve, he was instantly mesmerized.  Someone finally like him! Yet her differences were what really caught his eye. The curves of her body, the softness of her skin, even the way that she walked and talked.

Adam must have had a hard time keeping his eyes off of Eve as her body magnetically drew him. When he gently reached to touch her, the curves of her body fit perfectly into his hands. Unafraid, Eve trusted him and immediately relaxed into his touch. Gently he explored and caressed listening for the purr of her satisfaction.

The more Adam touched her, the more Eve’s body woke up and became hungry for him. As his body covered her, the wetness drew him into her. Suddenly aware of becoming “one”, he laid still for a moment, in awe of what had happened. As she gently smiled at him and they looked into each other’s eyes, they slowly began to move together until eventually they fell into a puddle of each other.

Even though sex felt exciting and wonderful to Eve, she knew there was more to discover. Filled with playfulness, she anticipated her turn to explore. The way his penis grew, and sought her out reminded her of the small fury animals that loved to be pet behind the ears. She wanted to see it, touch it, stroke it and even to feel it against her lips…

I’d better stop, lest I cross some lines…

Adam and Eve enjoyed total freedom in the Garden of Eden – with their own body and their spouse’s body. With no preconceived idea of what sex looked like they simply craved intimacy and connection. Unafraid to be known they fearlessly expressed themselves through words, movement, or even the groans when words would not come.  Void of all expectations, they didn’t worry about performance or what they looked like. Without past wounds, they didn’t recoil at touch, or wonder about intentions. They loved watching what happened and were amazed at God’s creation in each other. They simply enjoyed God’s goodness and reveled in new discoveries.

Living in a Broken World

Our world looks nothing like the Garden of Eden. Media has filled us with images of what sex is supposed to look like. These ideas stunt our own creativity and cause us to drive toward orgasm rather than exploration. Media and magazines cause wives to exchange their husbands’ compliments for insecurities or self-hatred. Pornography and Erotica dirty our ideas of sex, causing some to discard almost everything while others clamor to recreate scenes. We cannot even discern  our ideas from something we saw or read. Performance anxiety plagues both men and women and steals the joy of sex.  Silence from our families and churches leave us feeling stunted and awkward instead of open and free. Sex feels like anything but a blessing.

A Taste of Freedom

But what if God intended sex in marriage to be a taste of the freedom Adam and Eve experienced in the Garden of Eden?

  • God’s original intent for us before sin entered the world.
  • Before we started hiding and blaming each other.
  • Before we began to covet and lust after what we cannot have
  • When we had no wounds and no fear

How Do We Move Towards God’s Original Intent?

God cares about us and knows every detail and hurt – even involving our sexuality. He wants you to be free from the lies and deception that the world offers. If you are still immersed in lust than take the battle seriously. Be honest, get help and go after God. If you are hanging onto past sins, then receive God’s forgiveness and forgive yourself. If you are wounded then go after healing through counseling and prayer.  Find your worth from Jesus and He will guide you.

Trusting God causes us to know that our past does not have power over us. Trusting God helps us to value honesty more than perfection in our spouse. Lustful images that tainted our minds can be replaced with beautiful memories that husband and wife make together. When God asks us to get naked, we can get naked, because we would rather be known then hide behind a leaf or blame our spouse.

Jesus paid the price for our sins, and He redeems us. He has torn the veil so that we can have face to face relation ship, not only with Him but with others. Every day He gives us a fresh start to get up and LIVE again.

Creating the Garden of Eden

Don’t try to create what the world defines as great sex, but what God intended. Let yourself be known by sharing all of yourself, even your insecurities or brokenness. Create a safe place for your spouse to be honest and known. Focus on connection instead of orgasm. Bring God into your marriage bed. Pray before sex and ask Him to bless your connection. Ask for His truth and discernment as you make choices together.  Make your marriage bed a journey of discovering God’s goodness. Receive the freedom and gifts that God gives you.

Final Thoughts

Regardless of your past experiences, or your spouse’s past struggles, do you trust God with your sexuality? Will you seek His truth and desire for your marriage bed? Is God, all powerful, able, and good? Do you believe He can heal and give you a fresh start?  Do you want a taste of the Garden of Eden?

If your spouse is unrepentant about sexual sin, and not actively seeking healing, then please set boundaries and seek help. 

Adapting to Physical Limitations During Sex

A few weeks ago, I had a molar pulled that had bothered me for years. The recovery of an implant has been slow. With activities like kissing eliminated, my husband and are learning to adapt. Rubbing noses and burrowing into each other’s necks have helped us stay connected during sex. Rather than avoid sex we are learning new things, and grateful for what we have – not unlike a friend of mine.

I will never forget the night that Stacy showed up in class. With eyes that sparkled, and a smile that lit up the room, she rolled into class on her scooter. Years of a physical disability might have limited her mobility but God filled her soul with a passion for living that made me just want to hang out and learn from her.

After reconnecting with her at my book signing party, I asked if she would share a few thoughts to help others challenged by a physical limitation. What follows are her words.

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What Women Need to Hear About Sex

When I wrote my book Awaken Love I spend several months praying, listening to God, collecting stories of women in class, and digging deep to remember how God transformed me. As part of the process, I brainstormed on large pieces of poster board with the question scrawled across the top, “What do I want to tell women? It did not take long for clear principles to emerge that I wanted to make the backbone of Awaken Love.

Do It for You

Women don’t need to hear again how important sex is for their husband. They need to know that God created sex for them too. Though are drives and our bodies function quite different than our husband’s, we need sex to connect with our husband, to find refreshment and as a way of getting to know ourselves and our husband. We need to know that sex is a good thing for us and permission to know and understand our own body  Women need to be encouraged to invest the time to create a sex life that is thoroughly enjoyable for both husband and wife.

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How Valuable is Great Sex to You?

Recently a woman that facilitated the video class remarked that I really ought to consider raising the price of the class. She was a professional online class developer and felt shocked at how good the class was for the cost. The resources provided, the teaching and the transformation that she witnessed seemed worth a lot more then $10. She thought that if I charged more, people would sign up because they would realize just how valuable and powerful the class is.

Ministry

Maybe she’s right and I am a fool, but I don’t want to raise the price. I keep the price low because I consider Awaken-Love a ministry. When I started teaching classes, I didn’t do it to make money. I teach classes because God has called me to help others. The other teachers donate their time and so do facilitators. Honestly, I don’t want women to think we are trying to convince them to take the class, just so that we can make a few bucks.

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Anniversary Memories – Awaken Love Book Giveaway

In honor of Jim and me celebrating our 31st anniversary, I am giving away a free copy of Awaken Love: The Truth About Sex that will Transform Your Marriage. To enter the drawing, comment below about a favorite anniversary memory and I will draw a name on Oct 8th. 

 

Our Anniversary

My husband has always been so sweet about our anniversary. Just this morning he left a beautiful bouquet and a homemade card for me. And I am sure that we will have amazing sex tonight. But our anniversary often leads me to remember just how much my feelings about sex have changed over the years.

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Add a Little Excitement by Changing Your Starting Point

Most of us wait until we are lying in bed to initiate sex. Talking, cuddling and kissing under the covers can just easily roll over into love making. Sometimes it comes naturally and sometimes it can feel awkward, forced or maybe even dull. If you are looking for a easy way to freshen things up, think about simply changing your starting point. Instead of waiting until you are laying down, initiate sex when you are standing.

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The Importance of Being Selfish During Sex

Recently I read Love Worth Making by sex therapist Stephen Snyder. Rather than focusing on the physical aspect of of getting enough blood pumping to create orgasm, he focuses on the interplay of relationship dynamics and their impact on sexual satisfaction. An area of sexuality hard to measure or even study in the laboratory most women intuitively understand its importance. For us, the majority of excitement comes from our mind – how we feel about ourselves, how connected we are to our spouse and what we believe about sex. A key concept Snyder addresses is the importance of being selfish during sex.

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Discover Real Intimacy – Awaken Love Book

Awaken Love: The Truth About Sex that will Transform Your Marriage

Releases TODAY on Amazon!!

God has changed me in so many ways. Sometimes I worry that I will forget how far I’ve come – from a wife afraid to fail and content to fill her life with activities and busyness, to a confident, sensual, beautiful woman constantly seeking more intimacy with her husband and with God. I want to remember; to dig deep and stand in awe of what God has done in my life, and in the lives of the women in class. Today my new book Awaken Love: The Truth About Sex that will Transform Your Marriage releases on Amazon. I pray that through it you will not only have a better understanding of God’s design for sex, but that you will encounter Jesus’s redeeming love.

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The Joy of Sharing Life

My husband and I are very different. We have different tastes, passions, and even things that we love during sex. As I have matured, I am learning the joy of sharing life. I find pleasure in  seeing delight in my husband’s eyes. I don’t try to convince myself to fall in love with something just so we can have common interests. I have fallen in love with seeing my husband’s love of life.

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Talking About Sex in the Church – Walking the Tightrope

I have taught sex classes to Christian men and women for over 6 years. I have also written pretty detailed instruction articles on the blog for everything from oral sex, to frenulum orgasm, to how to enjoy intercourse. Along the way I have wrestled with what topics I should address and what felt like too much. At what point would I lose my audience because I wanted to educate and provide answers? Where is the line between respectful instruction and graphic detail? How do I vulnerably share the struggles and triumphs of working on my own sex life without letting people into my bedroom?

The lines for teaching about sex require careful discernment and humility. Though you may never  teach sex classes, I believe that only ways Christians can take sex back from the world, is by talking about sex. Like Juli Slattery says in Rethinking Sexuality, instead of letting the world disciple us about sex, the church, meaning us, need to disciple others about sex. We have to learn to talk about sex and walk the tight rope between helpful information, and going too far.

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