Baggage Impacts Our Husband Too

As women, we can feel like everything about sex comes easily for our husband. How come our steely eyed husband can survive bad messages, straying into porn, or years of poor choices with no impact on their sex life? But the more I’ve taught men, and the more growth I’ve experienced in my own marriage, the more I’ve realized baggage does impact our husband. He may not readily admit or easily recognize baggage, but it’s there.

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Lasting Impacts of Awaken-Love Classes

Yesterday I had the opportunity to speak at a moms group in the Twin Cities. Several women took the Awaken-Love class 9 months ago and recommended that I speak on sex.  While there, I got to reconnect with the women and hear the lasting impact from class.

Live Classes

One woman shared how eye opening the class felt when many of her assumptions about sex and about her husband did not align with God’s word. Even though she had grown up in the church and remained active, she never felt like they had provided any real answers. Left to her own assumptions and influenced by silence, awkward talks, and cultural messages, she landed where most women do – sex as an obligation to fulfill her husband’s needs. Conversation in class about God’s real intent for sex had literally shifted her mindset 180 degrees and continues to impact her marriage and attitude today.

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Deafening Silence – Adding a Little Excitement

Sometimes all you need to create a little excitement is to change the pace. The other night my husband and I went to bed early while two of our grown daughters watched TV down stairs. As most of you know, I am all about creating connection by using words during sex, but this night we changed things up by creating excitement through silence.

With the twinkle lights dimly lighting the room I started my move. The moment my husband tried to say anything, I quickly shushed him. Not quite sure what was going on, my husband tried again and without using any words, I quietly urged him, “Shhhh”. While he laid back contemplating what happened to his wife, I tuned into to the touch of his skin. As the mystery of the night built I softly touched my finger to his lips, looked into his eyes and reminded him one more time. The silence was almost deafening as he recognized with sudden realization what the evening held.

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Creating Community at Awaken-Love

When I first found Christian sex blogs, I quickly realized that I learned as much from reading the comments as from the articles. The information authentically shared by individuals gave me a window into the struggles and triumphs of men and women just like me and my husband. But this window didn’t just inform me, it spurred me on towards growth. As I heard the testimonies of others I began to believe that God could change me too. Community creates growth, whether in person during an Awaken-Love class or anonymously on the Awaken-Love blog.

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Twinkle Lights – Shifting the Atmosphere

The other day my husband and I were out on a date with another couple lamenting about the dreary winter weather. My friend said, “I really just need some twinkle lights to cheer me up.” What she probably said in jest, was actually an opportunity for her husband.

I tried to help him out, by jumping in, “Yes, twinkle lights for sure! That would help!” “Seriously you definitely need twinkle lights.” Wink, wink.

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The Importance of Dreaming

This weekend I met a young mom at a craft fair selling beautiful pottery and we struck up a conversation. I shared that I also used to create things during naptime to help keep my sanity as a young mom. When I admitted that I don’t get down to the woodshop much anymore, she asked, “So what do you do now?”

Without missing a beat, my oldest daughter replied, “She’s writing a book.”

“What about?”, she asked.

In a split moment I had to discern, am I supposed to tell her what I really do?

“The book is going to be about sex. I actually teach sex classes to Christian Wives”, I quietly offered.

“That’s awesome!”, she said, “It is so needed! I would totally be interested in something like that. I’ve got to introduce you to my husband!”

As she enthusiastically shared with her husband what I do, I heard him quietly say, “I thought we were doing okay.”

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Trust – An Essential Ingredient to Great Sex

Trust seems like such a basic  ingredient for a great sex life and yet I am just starting to understand the depth of importance. Though basic trust in a marriage feels very similar for men and women, the challenges men and women face during sex vary drastically. The first step to create trust is an awareness and empathy for each other’s struggles. I want to share some specific ways that wives and husbands needs vary in regards to trust.

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How Do You Invite Someone to a Sex Class?

I remember the very first time I invited women to an Awaken-Love sex class. I was scared to death! Who would I invite? What would my friends think if I brought up the topic of sex? What if no one responded or better yet my friends stopped talking to me?

Many of you may have had the same thoughts as you considered hosting an Awaken-Love video class.

But you’ve read enough on the blogs to realize just how desperately wives need resources to encourage them in their sex life. You want to help. You want to do something, but you don’t even know where to start.

One Woman at a Time

Awaken-Love started as a grass roots effort. Out of obedience, I invited 8 close friends into my home because I heard God’s call to teach about sex.  And I believe Awaken-Love will continue to be a grass roots effort. As women experience transformation through Awaken-Love, they will catch the vision and feel compelled to share with friends.

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Do We Want to Know, Even About Pornography?

I had just finished talking about pornography in class when I thought to pause and simply ask, “Does anyone have something to add?” Some of the best teaching in class comes from other women sharing their own experiences.

Just as I was ready to move on, Emily quietly filled the silence.

“We went through this…”

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Happy Thanksgiving

Today I gather with my husband Jim and my daughters to give thanks. We will cook recipes passed down from my mother and recipes my daughters have introduced to our table. The kitchen will be filled with chopping, girls laughing, debating the rights of women and trying to solve the most basic human rights of accessible housing and medical care. Jim will stroll through on his way to the basement. Instructed to cobble together a candle holder or centerpiece base required for the festivities, he’ll pause to smile at his girls.

After the pie has settled and the dishes are washed, I am ready to put my feet up. A game, a movie or scouring the adds in preparation for shopping. Whatever we do, we will do it together. Eventually Jim and I will excuse ourselves and head up for bed. Laying in his arms we will talk, and pray and eventually our bodies will warm up to each other.

Friday morning with no real purchase in mind, we’ll look for quirky, unusual items only found at places like Menards or Fleet Farm. Jim will lead the charge with a stop for coffee and donuts and we will all pile out to partake. My greatest pleasure will be to watch Jim laugh with his girls.

Life keeps marching on. My babies are not babies any more. Jim’s boyish looks have been tamed by the pepper in his hair. I can feel the arthritis in my hip and wrinkles in my face.  Life keeps marching on and so today I thank God for today. Don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do today. God is right beside you. He will guide you and guard you. God has given us a pleasant land.

Happy Thanksgiving

Psalm 16:5-8 (NLT)

Lord, you alone are my inheritance, my cup of blessing.
    You guard all that is mine.
The land you have given me is a pleasant land.
    What a wonderful inheritance!

I will bless the Lord who guides me;
    even at night my heart instructs me.
I know the Lord is always with me.
    I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.