The Importance of Being Selfish During Sex

Recently I read Love Worth Making by sex therapist Stephen Snyder. Rather than focusing on the physical aspect of of getting enough blood pumping to create orgasm, he focuses on the interplay of relationship dynamics and their impact on sexual satisfaction. An area of sexuality hard to measure or even study in the laboratory most women intuitively understand its importance. For us, the majority of excitement comes from our mind – how we feel about ourselves, how connected we are to our spouse and what we believe about sex. A key concept Snyder addresses is the importance of being selfish during sex.


Awakening to the Passion of a Quickie

Most women know what a quickie is, and it usually has more to do with serving our husband than anything else. Somewhere between the exhaustion of washing the last of the dishes and the early pitter-patter of little feet, we realize that our husband has been neglected, and we squeeze out one last bit of energy to take care of him. Our head really isn’t in the game because we figure that with so little time, odds are, we are not going to get there anyway.

Now here’s the question… is it possible, that we could enjoy a quickie too? Is it possible that the reason we don’t get there, is because our heads have already decided there is not enough time? What about letting go of the practicalities of the known, and experiencing the passion of the unknown. Could we allow our bodies to dive into the deep end, instead of tip toeing from the wading pool as we acclimate to the temperature of the water?