The Big Question – How Do I Have an Orgasm During Intercourse

big-questionIt is the question women most often ask about sex,

“How do I have an orgasm during intercourse?”

I have to be honest, when I got married 25 years ago and had questions about sex I bought a secular book, “For Yourself” by Lonnie Barbach. Typical of most secular books, it clearly communicated that the chances of women having an orgasm during intercourse were pretty slim, so just concentrate on what did work, and enjoy it.

So that’s what we did. We basically subscribed to the “she comes first” mantra, then afterward my husband would enjoy finishing inside of me.

But the last few years I have read a ton of books on sex, both secular and Christian, and there is a huge divide in what they teach. Even though the Christian books may teach manual techniques for a woman to figure out how to have an orgasm, they all progress to how to have an orgasm during intercourse. Whether it is the perfectly timed transition from foreplay to intercourse, or the strategic tilt of her hips, it can make you feel like everything should just fall into place if you follow the magic formula. It seems like there ought to be a middle ground.


Do You Deserve It?


“Do I need to have an orgasm? I just enjoy feeling close to my husband.”

“Sometimes I don’t say anything because I don’t want to make my husband feel bad.”

“It seems like so much pressure to expect myself to be able to have an orgasm every time.”

Women seem so willing to settle when it comes to sex.

Can you imagine a husband saying, “Don’t worry about me. I just enjoy feeling close to you,” as they watch us experience fireworks that shudder through our entire body.  Fireworks that spread a sense of euphoria that leaves us unable to speak, think, or move. Time after time, they bow out saying, “don’t worry about me – it is too much time, too much work, too much trouble”. It’s hard to imagine isn’t it?