Sometimes I think we make things more complicated than they are meant to be. We set up conditions to be met, expectations to be reached, or scales to determine whether something is deserved.
If he doesn’t say something to make me mad today, then I will consider whether we should be intimate tonight.
If she says she’s sorry like she means it, then I will forgive her.
I probably owe him after what he did last time. I mean, it’s been awhile since I _________.
It’s so blatantly contrary to the unconditional and limitless love that God offers us and desires us to extend to our spouses. God wants us to love our spouses with abandon! Instead of justifying why we should do something, maybe we need to ask ourselves “why not?” instead.
It’s a simple, but powerful, revision to the question. We all know that if a traveler changes their course by even a couple of degrees, they will end up in an entirely different destination. Just as a slight adjustment can change the traveler’s trajectory, simple things done with loving intention can lead our marriage in a new direction as well.
If my spouse loves seeing me wear a certain color, then why wouldn’t I wear it…often?
If my husband wakes up horny (most men do), then why wouldn’t I set my alarm a little earlier and make a memory for him to dwell on all day?
If I truly believe that the more deeply that I know and am known by my spouse that my capacity to know and be known by God expands too, then why would I hold back in my marriage?
If I know that God gave us the gift of sex to glue spouses together so we can be united and tackle life together, then why wouldn’t I make it a priority?
If I know that my spouse is blessed by a quick “thinking of you” text during the day, then why wouldn’t I make the time to send it?
If my spouse has had a hard day, then why wouldn’t I give them a freebie to remind them that they are deeply loved even in the middle of stress, chaos and doubt?
If I know my spouse’s love language, then why wouldn’t I love them that way…every day?
If I have an idea of what I’d like to do in the bedroom, then why wouldn’t I share that idea with my spouse and ask if they are game?
If I know that God desires me to be intoxicated with my spouse’s love (Song of Songs 5:1), then why wouldn’t I intentionally make blocks of time for us to drink that deeply of one another’s love?
If I know that my spouse can empty their mind and truly be present with me if the dishes are cleaned or the laundry is folded, then why wouldn’t I volunteer to clean the dishes or fold the laundry?
In this broken world, it is easy to get caught up in even the little things being too much effort, or that our spouse hasn’t “earned” this special treatment, or that we just don’t have the time or energy to go the extra inch…I’m not even talking extra miles. Our own selfishness, mine included, makes us resistant to loving our spouse the way that God loves us – unconditionally, relentlessly, all the time.
The trajectory of our marriages can be powerfully impacted when we make small adjustments with intention. What are simple things that you can do to show your spouse unlimited love? If something comes to mind, then I challenge you…why not do it?