Communication in the Bedroom
By now we all know how important communication is in marriage. It’s also a big part of the marriage bed. If we don’t communicate to our husbands what we like and dislike, it can lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings. I have a few key points to make on this subject.
Your husband will benefit when you tell him what you like in bed. He is trying his best to please you, but no two women are identical. It can be frustrating for him to be constantly trying things that don’t seem to work. Your husband can’t read your mind. He needs to hear from your mouth what you find enjoyable. Subtle hints may work sometimes, but being upfront is best. That way there are no misunderstandings. You can start a conversation over dinner one night or while cuddling sometime. Or even when you are making out and you know things will be leading to sex, you can say “Do you know what I love for you to do to me?”
Your husband will also benefit when you tell him what doesn’t work for you in bed. If he tries something new and it doesn’t do anything for you, then find a way to let him know. He may have read a book that says many women like anal caressing during oral sex, but you may not care for it at all. He may be going to town down there while you are lying there wondering why he always does that. I love it when my husband gets a new creative idea, but if it doesn’t really work, then I find a way to tell him later, so that he doesn’t add it to his repertoire. He is actually appreciative of that. He has learned that I am honest with him and he doesn’t have to guess or assume anything, because I will tell him the truth. And if something doesn’t work, then we just go on to the next new idea!
Discuss your true feelings on things like lingerie, toys, and swallowing. Don’t pretend to like something if you really don’t. It can lead to resentment later on. Just be honest. Your husband deserves to know how you truly feel. And know that it’s possible that you may change your mind later on. Some women start off just tolerating the taste of their husband’s ejaculate, and then grow to really like it later on! So never say never.
Be willing to compromise. Maybe your husband absolutely goes crazy when you wear lingerie, but you feel too self-conscious in it. It’s possible that you can compromise and go shopping together to find something that is still sexy yet more modest for your tastes. It may be certain fabrics or colors that he loves to see on you.
Keep an open mind. Think of how vulnerable your husband is when he comes to you with a new idea for sex. A new technique he wants to try on you. A new position he read about somewhere. A sexy photo shoot he wants you two to have together. Whatever his idea is, give the man a chance. The fact that he’s thinking of ways to bless you and give you pleasure is important. Don’t discount what he says immediately.
Know that your husband’s thoughts and feelings are just as important as yours are. All the things I discussed above are true for him too. Give him a chance to tell you what he likes for you to do to him. Ask him about the things that he doesn’t really like. When he has a thought or concern about something, respect him enough to consider where he is coming from. You two fell in love and chose to spend the rest of your lives together, so keep talking and listening to each other.